A Mansion's Various Blends
by tmnkm
Summary: The World of Trophies is at peace after the defeat of Tabuu. Several years later, everything is at peace. ...well, 'peace' isn't exactly the right word. Plenty of trouble happens from time to time. Most of the time it's something crazy stupid. Sometimes it's something unpleasant. / SSB4-era. Chapter 13: A Dark Plot (Part 3).
1. Introduction Chapter

Hey, guys. I'm back on this fanseries. What fanseries? Well, this is a reboot of the AMoPaC story ( _A Mix of Punch and Coffee_ ). Why am I doing this? Well... I set it up so that each individual chapter is set on a day-to-day basis following real life time, and I've failed big time at keeping up with that story. So I decided that I'm going to reboot the thing and make it an actual fanseries and not some collection of related oneshots. Yeah, it's going to be long chapters now... probably.

"First things first, all the special chapters for special occasions (Christmas, New Year, E3 release, etc) are now non-existent.

"Wait... what!?" Falco yelled. "So you're saying that all the stuff we prepared for are basically useless now!?"

...andalsoI'mgoingtoincorporatefourthwallbreaking- uh, I mean... yeah, basically.

"What the hell? You're a total piece of shit, you know that?" Ashley rhetorically asked, preparing her magic wand for things that good girls don't do.

Wait, calm down. I was kidding; most of the stuff planned are going to happen, eventually.

"Oh, that's-a good, waa. Waluigi's main story arc-a still hasn't appeared yet," the purple plumber stated.

Uh, yeah... that was never going to happen.

"Waluigi doesn't like-a you."

Neither do I, buddy.

Falco promptly pushed the thin minor character away. "Wait, so what's the twist?" he asked. What are you talking about? "I know how this kind of shit works. There's always some sort of twist when someone reassures others." Not exactly... but I guess you're right in this case. "Knew it..."

Well, I mean... since I'm rebooting this series, everything's going to be reset. Kind of. So... we'll start over again from beginning?

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" the avian pilot shrieked.

Jesus, language.

"Who cares?" Jigglypuff interjected. "Not like this story's that interesting. Booooring!"

Watch your mouth, puffball.

Captain Falcon shook his head with a mockingly sympathetic grin. " _Yare yare..._ I mean, uh, of course nobody would read this piece of crap!" he said. Hey, what's _that_ supposed to mean? "It was never popular to begin with. And now you're rebooting it, and adding fourth wall interaction! That's the worst thing a story can do... usually."

That's not true! There are lots of good stories that has the fourth wall being broken.

"They all have lots of flaws too," Lucas pointed out.

"And they-a seem pretty forced sometimes..." Luigi said.

"HIYAAA!" Link threw his opinion into the blend too. "I mean, uh, agreed."

Dark Pit groaned. "Threw his opinion into the ' _blend_ '? Really?"

Hey, I tried.

"Not hard enough, apparently..." Samus whispered.

"I-a like that..." Wario commented, picking his nose.

"Shut the fuck up, fatty."

"Who said-a that!?"

"Stop fighting!"

"I'm going to kill everyone!"

"What's going on!?"

Oh boy, here we go. As almost everyone is going out of control and conflicts are starting, one could view the sight and be so confused that they'd call the police. Or something. Who knows. The scene of chaos unveiled itself so fast, you could compare it to the whole "Infinite is faster than Sonic" thing SEGA is pulling.

"That was a terrible comparison," Ike said.

DO YOU WANNA GO, MATE!?

Screaming probably didn't help, as Ike decided to mock some more. He then accidentally knocked into Ganondorf while doing some sort of backwards twerk (don't question it), spilling the warlock's cup of milk all over his chest. Before he could lash out on the blue-haired mercenary, Pikachu was flung across the room and knocked into Ganondorf's face, electricity flowing everywhere. This truly was chaotic to the residents of the mansion.

"Hey, wanna do something like a movie trailer?" Ness asked. Everyone stopped. "...you know, for this remake story?"

"...sure," everyone said in unison, with nothing better to do. So much for chaos.

* * *

Mario ran across the basketball field, dribbling a ball like the pro he probably was. Way in front of him, four figures jumped out from the bushes- Link, Donkey Kong, Pikachu and Samus. Accepting the challenge, he made his way through them: he jumped over Link's swinging sword, then ducked under Donkey Kong's rampant fist, did a cartwheel and avoided Pikachu's electricy, and finally flinging Samus' energy blast back with a yellow cape he pulled out of nowhere. The ball having survived all the onslaught, he retrieved it and continued running towards the stand with the hoop.

Luigi was standing in front of it, waiting for him. He put his hands together, and as Mario jumped on his tight fists, he pushed his brother up into the air with the ball. The red plumber prepared to slam the ball into the hoop, mustering the strength he needed. It violently smashed against the hoop and went through, the ball bursting to pieces and revealing a Smash Ball inside.

His green brother blew a whistle just as the Smash Ball plummeted onto the ground, breaking and granting Mario his special powers. Said plumber landed on the ground and let out a war cry, pointing his hands up to the sky. Several Smashers jumped out the bushes towards the area above his hand and jumped up.

At that moment... " _ **Mario Finale!**_ " He shot out his signature firestorm upwards, and everyone who were within the center was enveloped by the flames.

Wario, who was a bit too slow due to his obesity, was sent sprawling on the floor. He grunted as he got up, scowling. A large Koopa arm tapped his shoulders, and he turned around to grin.

The fire tornado, meanwhile, was emitting such intense lighting and heat. Then suddenly, the tornado broke in slow motion apart as many Smashers jumped out with a prepared battle spirit. Marth, right at the center, is holding a new ball.

They landed and prepared to start the match, while a new opposing team showed up- with Wario joining them out of spite due to being too slow. Bowser let out a similar war cry to Mario's, and the two teams ran at each other with full intent on beating each other up and interfering with their mad skills.

Marth dodged Wario's leap, then side-rolled away from a fart from behind. He threw the ball up into the air, to which Pit flew by and caught it. He dribbled the ball from the air a few times, it bouncing high. His power of flight began to fade though, so as he slowly descended to the ground, several of the opposing team stood under him with malicious grins, a few wondering if angel wings tasted good.

Panicking, Pit threw the ball towards a random comrade that he spotted, a topless Shulk with his boxers on. The swordsman gladly accepted the ball, but Ganondorf leaped between him and the ball and stole it from the first team's clutches. He let out a wicked laughter, then ran off with the ball towards Mario's team's hoop. Shulk, left speechless, decided to simply stand there and show off his abs under the sunlight.

Meanwhile, as the warlord slowly decreased the distance between him and his opponents' hoop, Little Mac and Ryu jumped in his way. Ganondorf caught Little Mac's fist, tossed him aside and jumped backwards from Ryu's fist. He then prepared his fists and channeled dark energy. Ryu prepared to block the incoming Warlock Punch, but he was pulled aside as he heard a mighty yell.

Ganondorf found his fists crashing into Captain Falcon's, two flames of different colors blasting together. The brightness that emitted from the two mighty punches temporarily blinded the two Smashers, leaving the ball to bounce away from them.

Bowser was hot on its trails, however and managed to seize the ball. He roared happily, continuing to run towards his final destination- that blasted Mario's hoop. With no one else being able to catch up with him- somehow- he clutched the ball with his right hand and jumped into the air.

Right before he could prepare the slam dunk, Luigi kicked him away and grabbed the ball in midair. He was then smacked with a two-dimensional hammer, away from Mr. Game & Watch just as the flatlander took the ball back. The ball was then stolen by Fox, who used his Fire Fox move. He threw the ball just as he spotted Wario jumping at him, and Pac-Man appeared mid-air to protect the ball. He prepared to throw the ball away from their basketball stand, but Meta Knight appeared on top of the yellow creature and pushed him down, the ball being thrown somewhere else.

Dark Pit came to the villains' rescue, grabbing the ball and preparing another slam dunk. Pikachu used Quick Attack to reach in front of him, however and slammed his hardened Iron Tail at the dark angel's face. The ball once again fell towards the ground, and Falco- from Bowser's team- grabbed the ball with his crooked feathery hands. He took out his blaster and shot at several Pikmins that Olimar threw at him, and passed the ball to a floating Dedede.

The duck king flew backwards to dodge some minor attacks from some minor characters, and attempted to throw the ball form faraway into the hoop. Several Smashers smirked with relief, knowing he would never make it. However, Dedede suddenly spat out Lucario at the ball, and the jackal Pokemon grabbed the ball and flew down towards the hoop.

Everyone was taken by surprise- that clever bastard! Almost all Smashers from Mario's team let out a cry of defeat, jumping towards Lucario and the ball. They were too slow, however, and an aura explosion occurred just as the jackal managed to score against Mario's team.

When the bright blue light slowly dissipated, everyone was lying on the ground. They slowly got up, and Mario sighed before heading to Bowser at the center of the field. The two glared at each other, before they shook their hands. Everyone then smiled, sportsmanship at its best.

They took a deep breath. "A Mansion's Various Blends!"

* * *

"...what the hell was that?" Dark Pit asked. "That was the worst trailer I've ever seen!"

I think it was brilliant! Heck, we could even make a sprite animation of this and it'd be epic!

Falco growled. "No, fuck no! Why the hell was it some stupid basketball game anyways!?"

...it looks nice? And stop swearing, Jesus.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with-a Falco," Mario said. "It doesn't seem-a related to the story's title at all."

Sonic scratched his head in agreement. "True that, this seems more like some kind of basketball story instead of... what's this story about? Coffee and Punch?"

They stared at Ganondorf, who let out a smug grin. "You're just jealous that we won, stupid hedgehog."

"What'd you say!?" Sonic said. He dashed around Ganondorf, kicking the warlock's head. "You're too slow!"

"What are you even angry about?" Mega Man asked, interrupting the Warlock's war cry. "You didn't even help the team, Sonic."

"I had chili dogs to attend to!" the hedgehog justified. "My babies need me to eat them!" He was then punched away by a fist covered in purple flames.

Ganondorf blew his hand gently. "Let that teach you not to mess with everyone's favorite ruler."

"Who even likes you?" Shulk asked.

"Keep your mouth shut, pervert."

Appalled by the accusation, Shulk put his hands on his naked waist. "Excuse me! I'm not a pervert!" He was met with several gazes from women, questioning his sanity. "...okay, maybe I am."

Guys, guys, enough. This story is going to be great, I guarantee you!

"You're not even a good writer," Ness pointed out. "...no offense."

I'm going to end you.

"Hey, what about us non-Smashers?" Ashley asked. "We didn't even appear in your stupid trailer!"

Uh... my condolences?

"Waluigi really doesn't like-a you."

I don't like myself either, budd-

" _ **What happened here!?**_ " Master Hand's voice boomed throughout the field as he exited the mansion. "The beautiful sports field of the mansion... it's all ruined! _**Who did this!?**_ " he asked.

Everyone exchanged glances and pointed to the sky. Um, who are you guys blaming? God?

"You know how authors are commonly seen as something in the sky?" Peach said. "Yeah, that."

Wait... so you guys are blaming me!?

Master Hand clutched his fist... uh, body. " _ **You are going to pay for this!**_ " he roared and lunged towards the sky in search of me.

Ha, good luck with that! That "author in the sky" schmuck was never a real thing, haha!

Anyways, I'll update whenever I want, some stuff will be rewritten, some story arcs will be here, dadada, hope you guys will like it.

"They won't," Dark Pit reassured.

Oh, shut up... oh, someone's knocking at my door. Be right back.


	2. Life Through a Plumber

On such a bright and peaceful day, one would think that nothing could go wrong. Not jinxing anything, but as bad as that kind of wishful thinking was, for a short while people could really see the small ray of light towards the best day of their lives every morning. Mario was no exception to that small hope, momentarily feeling good every single morning when the alarm clock wakes him up. New day, new work, lots of things to do. Yawning, he pushed himself out the bed and did some stretches.

Changing int his overalls, he looked in the mirror and smiled. "It's a brand new day today... time to live up to everyone's-a expectations!" he said to himself. Turning to another bed in his room, he was about to wake his brother up but noticed the bed was empty. "Already awake, huh..." Mario looked at the alarm clock again.

It was eight o'clock, obviously morning.

"He sure woke up-a early today." Shrugging, Mario headed to the door and pulled it open.

He was then met with the scene of Charizard breathing fire at Captain Falcon, who was somehow quickly repelling the fire by quickly consuming dishes of Superspicy Curry and fighting back with his own torrent of fire. "Come on, fat dragon! Show me your moves!"

" _Grrrrawrr!_ _(I will make you suffer!)_ " the not-dragon Pokemon roared back.

Mario frowned. "What a way to start-a the day..."

"Not the worst that could happen though," someone said to him. He turned to his right- Samus was leaning on the wall besides his room's door. "Your brother was worried about you waking up a bit later than usual. Just here to check up on you. Feelin' okay?" she asked.

The plumber shrugged. "I was-a having a really nice dream... nothing-a big, really." The two watched the burning passion between Captain Falcon and Charizard, before they decided to walk away from the scene. "So, how are-a you doing, Samus?"

"Oh, doing just fine," she replied. "Ever since we destroyed the blue bastard, life here is really peaceful."

"You sure about-a that?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.

She chuckled. "Yeah, touche. We're not exactly peaceful." The two paused in front of an area where a majority of the hallway's walls were glass, showing a glimpse of their mansion's garden. They spotted Kirby playing with Ness, Lucas, Popo, and Toon Link. Nana and Ashley were sitting nearby, looking at a video on an iPad. "But hey... this is how things should be," Samus said. Mario noticed a rare smile forming on her face. "Big guy's done well to raise us like family."

"Master Hand, eh?" Mario chuckled as well. "It's been years since we all-a gathered. Those times were good-a times, weren't they?"

"Indeed," the bounty huntress nodded. "How're things between you and Peach?" she asked with a grin.

Another chuckle. "She's still not-a interested in being in a relationship." He scratched his big nose shyly. "I-a love her, but to her I'm just her savior, you know? And I respect that."

"Poor guy," she teased.

Mario rolled his eyes. "Maybe one day she'll actually return my-a feelings, but for now, everything's fine the way it is."

They continued small chitchatting and eventually made their way to the grand cafeteria. Luigi, wearing an apron and helping Peach and several Primids serving food, noticed his brother right away. "Mario!" he yelled. "You're awake!"

The plumber in red sheepishly scratched his head. "Sorry. Late-a start today, I guess."

"As long as you're-a fine, bro." Mario walked over to the green plumber, who asked him, "What do you feel like-a having today?"

"Hmm... spaghetti?" Mario said.

Samus stifled some laughter while Peach looked at him. "You really _do_ like your pastas, don't you?" she rhetorically asked, scooping some out onto a plate. She handed it over to Luigi, who sprinkled some pepper on it and handed it over to his esteemed brother.

Wario jumped onto the scene with a grin, pointing at Mario's to-be plate of pasta with small meatballs. "Swaghetti and memeballs, wahaha!"

The princess of Mushroom Kingdom stared at the odorous embodiment of obesity. "...you're banned from garlic for a day."

He fainted immediately.

"Mamamia..." Mario sighed. "Go easy on-a him, won't you?" he asked with a helpless smile.

Samus patted the Italian plumber. "S'alright, buddy. I'll get him to Doctor Mario." She grabbed Wario by the foot and dragged him away. "You enjoy your late morning meal now."

"Sure thing, Samus." Mario made his way to a table and began his meal in peace. He must have been really tired that morning, he assumed, because a few seconds later he only realized that there were already people sitting there. Next to him, Meta Knight sipped from a cup of tea. In front of him, Lucario was munching on a chocolate bar. "Oh, sorry. Didn't see you-a here..."

 _Don't mind it,_ Lucario interjected. _We arrived not long before you._

"Indeed," Meta Knight said. "In fact, it'd be more of a pleasure to dine with one of the original fighters," he reassured the plumber.

Smiling with relief, Mario nodded. "Thanks, you-a two." They took their respective sips/munches and had a small chat about various things.

 _By the way, I couldn't help but notice..._ Lucario began, _you and Lady Samus are pretty close. Contrary to belief,_ he paused and unwrapped a new chocolate bar to snack on, _do you perhaps fancy her instead of Princess Peach?_

Mario chuckled. "No, we're just-a friends. Of course it's not anything like-a that," he answered.

Nodding, the puffball knight next to him took another sip from his cup of tea. "Truly, it is the bond of friendship that they have forged from the original tournament."

 _Ah, right..._ Lucario nodded. _Bonds... what a fascinating concept._

Catching a glimpse of the cafeteria's clock hanging on a wall, Mario squinted to see clearly which number the hands were on. He couldn't quite make out what the time was, however. Meta Knight noticed this and took a look. "...I believe it's 8:37 right now, Sir Mario."

Mario frowned. "Oh, I have to-a go now... got to meet up with-a ROB and the others," he said and picked up his plate. "It's been-a nice chatting with you two."

"It's our pleasure," Meta Knight said as he humbly bowed.

 _Stay safe now,_ Lucario politely replied. When the plumber disappeared from their view, Lucario smiled. _Mario... truly fascinating. I can sense it, the aura deep within him... he is a good person._

"Indeed," Meta Knight nodded. "I see that my respect for him isn't misguided."

The jackal got up and grabbed the discarded wrappers. _Now if you'll excuse me, I have more chocolate to find..._ a grin formed on his face. _Chocolate for life, viva la chocolat._

A sweat drop formed on the puffball knight. "You sure like your chocolates... well, may we talk some more another day then." He bid farewell to his friend.

* * *

He stopped in front of a huge door and rubbed his gloved hands together. Slowly, the plumber pushed the door open and entered the room. "I am-a here, ROB." Several faces looked back towards him: all eight original Smashers, along with ROB and Mr. Game & Watch. (The latter served as an unwilling janitor for the meetings). Mario frowned upon noticing Luigi sitting and chatting with Link. "Luigi, when did you get-a here?" he asked.

His brother turned to him with raised eyebrows, confused. "I left the cafeteria while you were-a talking with Meta Knight and Lucario."

Link, upon sensing that Mario probably wasn't his usual self, began to voice his concern. "You okay there, Mario?" he asked. "Usually your sense of time is sharper than this... though not as great as my ocarina, of course..." The elf took out his ocarina and caressed it smoothly. Luigi sent him a weirded out look. "Hehe..."

Samus felt Mario stare at her. "I came here to discuss things with ROB right after dropping Wario at the med bay," she explained.

The red plumber nodded and let out a sigh. "Sorry, guys. I'm not-a really feeling so well today..."

"That's because you're weak!" Captain Falcon exclaimed, slamming his fist on the desk.

" _ **BEEP!** (Gently!)_" Mr. Game & Watch screamed... well, beeped from the corner of the room as he tried to sweep some dust into his trusty dustpan.

Lacking the brains to understand the flat man's words, the racer continued speaking. "If you actually change your diet and start daily consumption of healthy drinks right now, you'd be feeling better in no time!" He whipped out a glass of fruit punch. "I especially recommend the Falcon Punch, named after the great Captain Falcon's mighty Falcon Punch! It rejuvenates you in no time, and after you get so into this, you'll wish you could bathe in this sweet baby!" Mouthing on and on about his drink, he turns to a camera. "Limited time sale, only available on the Smash Website. For more details, contact Sir FalconPunch69 to inquire about anything."

Jigglypuff groaned. "Ugh, here we go again..." she whined. "Can't we get rid of Falcon? He's seriously annoying..."

"Be quiet, Gian!" Captain Falcon retorted. "You have no right to judge my marvelous drink... after all, everyone's interested!"

"Not me," Ness said.

"I'm interested!" Kirby exclaimed.

"I prefer coffee," Fox stated.

"See? Everyone loves it." The racer patted Jigglypuff's head as he looked down on her. "Kid, you might not know this, but this beverage is so great, even the author recommends it!"

I... what?

"Doesn't seem like it," Jigglypuff replied.

The racer scowled. "You're just jealous of my profits."

"What profits?" Ness asked, laughing. "You don't make any money! You gotta be bananas to be jealous about that!"

Donkey Kong smiled. "Mmmnn... Me likes bananas."

"Yoshi too!" the green reptile next to him cheered.

Samus groaned. "This meeting is getting nowhere... ROB, if you wouldn't mind."

"AFFIRMATIVE." Nodding its robotically robotic robot head, the robotically robotic robot robotically shot laser beams from its robotically robotic eyes through the ceiling. "BY THE COMMAND OF SAMUS ARAN, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CAUSING ANYMORE COMMOTIONS," it said in its robotically robotic robot voice. "AND ALSO, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM STALLING FOR HIGHER WORD COUNT, WRITER." The robotica... ah, fine.

The display of violence seemed to work, however, as everyone who were making a fuss now stared at ROB quietly. Nobody was going to stir up any problems now, all seated like good children.

"Okay, now that we're back on track..." Link started. "...anything to report, guys?"

Captain Falcon cleared his throat. "Well, I-"

"Except for your stupid punch."

"...oh." He turned away, disappointed.

Link rolled his eyes. "Anyone else with actually decent news?"

"I'll start," Samus announced. "I've been travelling outside the mansion to make contact with other lifeforms in this universe. Stuff from various universes, you know all that." She rubbed her chin, seemingly perplexed. "I keep having this feeling like something sinister is going on, but after asking everywhere around, nothing unusual's been spotted so far." Sighing, Samus sat back down. "The only things I've heard about were scandals about some Koopa Troopas, complaints from some Subspace citizens, and absolutely nothing useful."

"You'd find better information if you took daily consumption of the great Falcon Punch!" Captain Falcon yelled, slamming his right fist on the meeting table again as he pulled out another glass of punch.

" _ **BEEP!** (Softly!)_" Mr. Game & Watch beeped again, this time tending to the windows of the room.

"...right." The female bounty hunter turned to the other Smashers. "That's all I got. Anyone else got anything to report?"

Ness raised his hand. "I was visiting Porky one day, to see how he was doing in the cell for the Subspace perpetrators. Since he's the only one contained in there now, I figured he would feel lonely..." Shrugging, the boy continued. "When I visited him, he was sleeping but was sleeptalking about something regarding '4 months'. You think that might be some evil plan?" he asked.

Mario frowned. "Hmm... I'm not-a so sure. Mark it down, ROB."

ROB nodded. "AFFIRMATIVE. TIME PERIOD, 4 MONTHS FROM NOW, MARKED IN INTERNAL CALENDAR."

"Me see K. Rool yesterday!" Donkey Kong said. "He suspicious moving quiet. He try to run when me look." The ape shrugged, scratching his head. "Me think he need toilet so me don't care."

"SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM KING K. ROOL... NOTED."

"Why are we even letting that guy stay here in the mansion again?" Link asked. "I mean, sure, he's a Trophy but..."

"Well," Mario interrupted, "Master-a Hand wanted everyone involved to be able to live in-a harmony here."

Samus nodded. "True. There'd be a riot, probably, if we prevent even one trophy from living here."

"There won't be any riots if you take daily consumption of the great Falcon Punch!" Captain Falcon exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table yet again with yet another cup of punch pulled out of hammer space. This time, his side of the table finally broke under the sheer epicness of his declaration, and everyone stared at him. "...whoops." He turned to Mr. Game & Watch, who was just facing him with deadly silence. "...learn to forgive by taking daily consumption of Falcon Punch?"

* * *

"Alright, that sums up this week's meeting," Samus announced. "As we don't have much leads on anything big, investigations can be carried out in our own time. Any objections?"

She surveyed the room. Everyone shrugged. Taking it as nobody having further objections, she smiled.

"I hereby dismiss this meeting. You're all free to go."

"END OF MEETING ESTABLISHED. VOICE RECORDING PROCESS TERMINATED. FILE SAVED TO SET DIRECTORY."

Everyone made their way out the room. Few of them high-fived Luigi on the way.

As Mario exited the meeting room, Link patted him. "Hey, Mario. You got any plans today?" he asked. "I'm thinking of doing some training later on. Care to join?"

The plumber smiled, but shook his head politely. "I'm sorry, Link. I need to go help Olimar-a find the culprit behind the random Pikmin murders recently."

"Ohh, that. Well, that's too bad then..." Sighing, Link scratched his cheeks. "I guess it's me and ol' Meta Knight again."

Samus, overhearing their conversation just as she locked the door to the meeting room, laughed. "That's Mario for you. Always busy helping people out, as usual."

"True that." Link gave Mario another pat. "Could say you're the hero of our time! The real Hero of Time!" They shared a laugh together. "Well, anyways. Meta Knight's probably expecting me again while he's training. Gotta go now, folks."

With that, the elf walked away. Mario proceeded to walk through the halls with Samus. "It's always a busy day for-a me."

The bounty hunter shrugged. "You should learn to let others solve their own problems for once, you know?"

"I can't-a help it. They need help, I'm all for it."

"Then again, that's how you've always been since the first day..."

He grinned. "Indeed. What plans do you have, Samus?" he asked.

"Hmm... nothing so far," she replied. "I don't feel like training with Link though. Maybe I'll go check what's on the news," the bounty hunter decided. "You heading to Olimar's, right?"

Mario nodded. "That's-a right. And after that, I'm going to take do some-a surveillance around the mansion."

"Well, speaking of that, there's his room." She pointed to a door amongst other doors, to which Mario nodded and walked towards. "I guess I'll be seeing you later."

Waving her another bye, Mario adjusted his attire and knocked the door. "Olimar? I'm-a here to help!"

Thus his tradition of helping everyone around continued.


	3. The Kids' Brigade

"Alright, guys!" Toon Link jumped on the table, causing a slight shake that knocked all the toys off it. "It's time we started our morning investigations for... drum roll please... the Kids' Brigade!" he exclaimed, waving his sword upwards.

"M-my Jenga tower!" Lucas wailed. "Aw... oh well..."

Patting his psychokinetic on the back, Ness looked back up at the cartoonish Hylian. "What are you even saying, Toon? We never had any kind of brigade."

In response, Toon Link waggled his finger and clicked his tongue. "I'm afraid we do now, my friend."

"Toon Link, if you don't get off my picture in five seconds..." Ashley growled. "...I will fuck your life up."

"Whoa, okay. Touchy much? Geez..." he muttered, reluctantly getting down the table. "Also, no curse words please. That shit's stupid."

Lucas raised an eyebrow at that, but decided to not point anything out.

Popo scratched his parka-covered head. "So... our brigade is called the Kids' Brigade?" he asked.

Toon Link immediately flinched. "U-um... well, that's temporary."

"Go figures," Nana mumbled and rolled her eyes.

"Shove it. Anyways..." The miniature swordsman tapped the table lightly with his sword. "Back to the topic. Today we should totally go investigating anyone we can and get some sweet scandalous information!" Waiting for any sort of reaction at all, his eyes darted around his friends, examining all their expressions. To his dismay, they were all unenthusiastic about his idea- Ness and Lucas stared at him quietly, Popo was coming up with new (and admittedly better) names for their brigade, and Nana and Ashley continued doodling on their respective sheets of paper. Oh, and that silent Mii was just sleeping on the couch. "...when did Mii go to sleep?" Toon Link asked.

"Oh, long ago." Nana got up and gently caressed the faceless avatar's head. "He got bored ever since you dragged us all here and made us draw whatever we want."

He frowned. "Are my socializing ideas that boring?" he asked.

Ashley glared up at him. "To be frank, yes. As boring as your character."

"...ouch."

Ness snickered. "For someone bored, you're sure having fun with drawing."

"S-shut up!" the young witch said, flushing red. "I-I just got caught up in the boredom, that's all!"

Lucas squinted at the drawing. "I-is that... Mr. Ganondorf?" he asked.

His psychokinetic friend stopped smirking. "Wait, why are you drawing _him_ of all people?"

"Toon Link said to draw someone we thought was cool."

Clearing his throat, Toon Link looked down on her work. "Yeah, _cool_ , not _dorky_."

"Hey!" Ashley exclaimed. "Mr. Ganondorf's pretty cool! He knows all these evil stuff... and his Warlock Punch is especially cool!"

"Pft, sure." Turning around, the cartoonish Hylian pointed towards the hallways. "Anyways, let's go! We need information!"

* * *

Having been dragged by Toon Link to participate in his nonsense, they discussed what activities would be going on and who could investigate which activity. Ashley and Nana stuck with a monthly event hosted by Peach- the Happy Tea Time. She started this event to allow people to come and vent their complaints, discuss any topics, consult, and much more within a span of thirty minutes. Originally it only involved the ladies of the Smash Mansion, but after allowing a tired Doctor Mario to join in once, it became open for anyone.

In a way, it was like the Smash Council where they discussed anything that raised concern- except the Happy Tea Time wasn't run by the people in charge, and provided only tea. Ashley remembered being invited by Peach to it once, but she refused that time as she was busy practicing her spells.

This time, however, there were no excuses that she could think of, so Nana- who was a frequent attender of that activity- was able to force her into coming with her.

The table wasn't exactly big enough, so Nana sat on the female Wii Fit Trainer's lap while Ashley sat on Pokemon Trainer Y's. They sipped on their respective cups of tea while the others chitchatted over their heads.

Around the table, there was Peach naturally acting as the leader of the event. Bowser sat to her right, and Doctor Mario to her left. Captain Falcon was also there, and so were Donkey Kong and Greninja. Jigglypuff sat on Lucario's lap. Palutena and Rosalina were also attending the event, the former petting a lone white Pikmin and the latter gently caressing her Lumas.

"Today," Peach began, "we are gathered here for the monthly Happy Tea Time to relax and discuss any topic of choice." She took a sip from her cup. "Does anyone have anything they wish to talk about?"

Bowser, another frequent attender of the event, raised his hand. "Ooh, I do!"

The princess sighed. "In a civilized manner."

"Oh." He dropped his hand.

 _What the heck does this group ever accomplish?_ Ashley wondered. She glanced at Nana, who returned her stare with a grin and waved. The witch sighed.

Nearby, Captain Falcon suddenly stood up. "I do!" he exclaimed, banging his hand on the table.

"Careful, you might break the table."

Traumatic memories of Mr. Game & Watch surfaced in the racer's head, but he gulped as he shoved those memories to the deepest parts of his mind. "Fellow Smashers, I believe something is seriously wrong. Why is it that there's a Happy Tea Time nonsense, but not a Great Punch Time session?" he asked, in the same manner as jokes like Trump or Hillary. "This might as well as be discrimination itself! Why tea only? Why no punches?" Pointing to Peach, he slammed his hand on the table again while ignoring another warning from an uncomfortable Palutena. "You are racist, woman!" he exclaimed. "This is a democracy! This is a... uh, republic! A congress... um... well..." Having nothing else to say, he punched upwards. "Falcon Punch!"

Everyone stared in his direction, giving him a long blank stare.

 _...is he alright in the head?_ Ashley wondered. She looked over to Nana, her facial expressions asking whether they should really stay here.

Nana looked away, sweat dropping. _...I forgot about_ him _and his crap every meeting..._

 _Huh!?_ The young witch glared at her best friend. _I thought everything would be fine because you said so!_

 _I- I know..._ the pink Ice Climber telepathically apologized, somehow. _But it's not_ that _bad..._

"Donkey Kong," Peach said, "please throw him out the window."

 _...huh!?_ the two whipped their heads as a loud crash occurred, one of the windows of the room shattering to pieces.

Assuming the two kids had been startled, Charlene (female Wii Fit Trainer) and Y (the Pokemon Trainer) attempted to sooth the kids on their respective laps by rubbing their heads gently. It didn't really help them calm down.

 _W-was Ms. Peach always this scary at decision making...?_ Ashley wondered.

Nana gulped. _Well... y-yeah, basically._ She stared at the pink princess, nervous. _I'd know, from previous meetings._

 _That wasn't the first!?_ Ashley wondered how Captain Falcon even survived up to this day.

Their attentions were cut when they heard groans from the window. Everyone looked at the gaping hole, where Captain Falcon's hands were grabbing on a sharp edge. The racer was weakly pulling himself up, with the determination in his eyes as lit as a fish. Or a robot. Or a skeleton, whatever suits your boat. "I- I won't be defeated this time, you sissy princess!" Slowly getting back into the room, he panted. It was truly a huge accomplishment. "Face me in a fair battle, you-"

As if having expected his comeback, Peach immediately reacted by throwing a cup of tea at him with sheer force.

It struck him right at the center of his helmet's forehead, both cup and helmet shattering and sending him flying onto the ground below yet again.

The sound of bones cracking and screams of agony were ignored.

Ashley and Nana stared at where Captain Falcon had been, before it finally clicked in their minds.

 _Huh!?_ They almost started shivering, but managed to contain their fear. _No, no, no... what the fuck was that!?_ The witch stared at her friend.

 _P-Peach is_ really _scary... I forgot to mention._ Nana looked away. _Sorry._

Gulping again, Ashley looked at the princess once more- she was already showing an innocent smile without remorse for the man she just shot out the window. _T-this event might not be as peaceful as I expected..._

* * *

Lucas trembled as he peeked out the table's covers. Next to him, Popo softly broke a stick of Pocky. Luigi had just made his way out the room, after a session of screaming at a cockroach and getting Pikachu's attention to the kitchen, ending with a well-fried cockroach carcass near the table. "W-wow..." Lucas whispered. "Pikachu's so... brave."

"Wait, were you actually afraid too?" Popo asked.

"N-no! ...maybe..." Lucas shamefully admitted. "B-but with a bit more training, I'll become s-stronger and braver!"

The blue-parka boy laughed. "What're you talking about? You're already brave enough!"

His head perked up, curious as to what his friend just said. "I- I am?"

"Yeah, man! You even fought off a fat Peter Parker!"

Now he was confused. A _what_ now? Peter Par... "Spider-Man? But I..." It came to him. Porky. A fat man in a spider machine. A fat Spider-Man. A fat Peter Par- "I get it..." Lucas whispered. Oh, okay. Good. He couldn't help but stifle a small chuckle. "T-that's true," he eventually said, "but at that time... R-Red was with me."

"Ashley's demon or the Pokemon Trainer?" Popo asked.

"P-Pokemon."

"Ah."

The two resumed looking out the table, at the fried cockroach body. "...b-besides, I think you're braver than me..."

Popo frowned. "Huh? How so?"

"W-well... you go climbing mountains... fighting polar bears and flying dinosaurs... you're d-dating your sister... you use a hammer, friends with M-Mr. Dedede... you wear a parka when it's really hot... stuff..."

The male Ice Climber laughed again. "That's not bravery! That's just stuff I have to do or choose to do!" He patted Lucas, albeit a bit too hard. "If something happened to Nana, something real dangerous, and I stupidly try to save her... _that's_ bravery!" Popo rubbed his chin. "Something like... dangerous villains taking Nana hostage, yeah! And they have such enormous strengths, and I have just my hammer. But I still try to save her! That's bravery!" Lucas stared at him. "...and maybe stupidity too, but it _is_ me."

"S-saying all those things... aren't you worried if it h-happens one day?" the blonde asked. "W-what if your sister really gets held hostage?"

"That'd really be a bad thing, but I'd try to save her anyways." Then, Popo chuckled. "That is, _if_ they can hold her hostage."

"H-huh?"

He grinned. "After all, I believe in Nana. She's strong, she wouldn't get kidnapped that easily."

In awe, Lucas felt an aura of... something mystifying, around his friend. He now saw Popo in new light. _...is this a new discovery... in a sense?_ he thought.

* * *

Toon Link and Ness sat on the sofa together, sighing. "This is boring," Toon Link said.

"Well, why are we here then?" Ness asked.

The toon Hylian gave him an incredulous stare. "To relax, what else? That's what sofas are for, Ness."

His friend raised an eyebrow. "So... what about your information seeking thing that you made everyone else do?" he asked.

Toon Link snickered. "Well obviously it's the leader's job to relax while everyone's doing the information searching for him."

Ness returned the previous incredulous stare with his own. "...wait, then why am I here with you?"

"Your job is to keep me company and not let me get lonely."

"You're a jerk."

Ignoring his pessimistic friend, Toon Link stretched his arms and yawned, then lied down on the open space of the sofa. "Tell me when one of the kids come so I can make up some lie to feed them," he said.

 _You're a kid too..._ Ness sighed. "Sure, sure." He shook his head when Toon Link was seconds later snoring away. The boy got up and closed the television, turning to the door. He froze.

At that moment, coincidentally, all their friends had just returned. Ashley especially looked pissed to see the two in the room and not anywhere else.

"...hi?" the boy mouthed. She didn't look any calmer. _Time to recall some dirty secrets of the others..._ the boy decided.


	4. Hidden Behind the Mask (Part 1)

Lucina sat quietly on the table as she watched her colleague Meta Knight converse with King Dedede, taking a sip from her own cup of coffee. She stared intently, feeling something was bothering her but not quite understanding _what_ piqued her curiosity. Taking another sip, she continued staring in his direction.

Unbeknownst to her, the two had felt her gaze some seconds ago. "Dude, what'd you do to her?" the royal penguin asked.

Meta Knight returned his questioning expression. "I am not so sure, but as far as I recall, I have not done anything to offend her."

They slowly glanced back, so little that to the girl it seemed as if they were staring at the walls or something else that wasn't her.

Then they looked at each other again. "Yeah, I think you messed up bad, dude." Dedede patted the knight's head, and waddled off after grabbing a hunk of meat from the dining table. "Get that settled before ya do anything else, Metty."

"I shall try," the knight replied. As he watched the king depart from the room, he scowled. "And don't call me Metty." Turning around, he prepared to address the Fire Emblem character regarding her intense stare, but found the girl missing from where she sat. "...huh."

Far away from the room entrance, opposite of Dedede's direction, Lucina sprinted with anxiety creeping up her back. She couldn't stand the feeling anymore, the feeling that something was off about the petite knight. She stopped short of a door and knocked on it. "S-Sir Marth! Please open!"

The door opened, a blue haired prince rubbing his eyes groggily. "Lucina...? What is... it?" he asked between yawns.

Lucina stared at him, clearly puzzled. "...it's ten in the morning," she said.

"I have nothing coming up today and I was tired."

"...okay." She shook her head, remembering her issue. "I need to inquire you about something. You see, there is this certain individual that I can't seem to get my eyes off, and-"

"Is this a love-related issue?" Marth interrupted. "As popular as I am, I can't help much with those..."

"What? No, sir." Pushing asides how rude it was to interrupt her speech, the girl cleared her throat. "Anyways, this individual has been in my thoughts a lot lately and I can't seem to understand why. No matter how much I look at this person, something just bothers me deeply inside, and I just can't shake the feeling off no matter what."

"...who exactly is this guy?" Marth asked.

"Sir Meta Knight," she replied.

"...oh." He processed all that she said and began to understand what was plaguing her. It was understandable for him, as he was similarly bothered by the petite knight's appearance as well. "You're probably just really... excited to see what's under his mask."

"His mask?" the girl repeated. She rubbed her chin, all sorts of images popping up in her head. Then she widened her eyes in surprise. "That's it! Oh, yes, Sir Marth! That is indeed what has been bothering me so much!" She turned around and grinned to herself, a goal forming in her mind. "Now I know what I must do. I must somehow uncover Sir Meta Knight's face and discover the mystery underneath!"

Marth chuckled. "Well, be prepared for a huge surprise. That guy's looks are completely different from what one would expect of him, I tell you."

"You've... seen his face under his mask before?" Lucina asked.

"Sure did. A real shocker, he was." The boy snickered, knowing what the dame was going to ask. "Nuh uh, I won't be telling you. Some things must be done by oneself."

"I... I see." The girl clenched her fists, a determined expressing appearing on her face. "I shall work hard then!"

"Mmhm, that's good. I'll go back to sleep for a few more minutes..."

* * *

Some minutes later, Lucina pondered over what to do as she walked around the mansion. She wasn't exactly a strategist, so no good plan came to mind, especially considering how skilled Meta Knight is at various things. Naturally, she came to the conclusion that she can't uncover his face alone.

And that's when the idea came to her just as she entered the living room- gather some comrades to help!

The only rule that she would set was that they must also be curious about Meta Knight's appearance. Otherwise, there's a chance they might tell on her for the laughs.

Lucina looked up in time just to see six people currently occupying the room- Bowser and Ganondorf were sitting on the sofa watching some supervillain show, Ness was drawing and Wolf most likely babysitting him, and Ike and Roy drinking their respective cups of orange juice as they secretly watched the villains' show from behind. She smiled. "That's it!" she cheered.

Everyone turned their heads towards her. "...uh?"

The girl rushed over to the Fire Emblem character Roy and shook his head, causing him to drop his cup of orange juice. "You all! I believe we would do a great job if we worked together!"

"I, uh..." Ike scratched his head. "Worked together to do what, Lucina?"

"Whatever it is, I don't want any part of your stupid plans," Ganondorf grunted and went back to watching his show.

Lucina pouted. "It's not stupid, Sir Ganondorf."

Ness snickered. "She called him a sir..."

Sighing, Wolf decided to get to the point. "So, lassy, what'd you want from us?"

The swordswoman smiled. "I'd like to enlist all you fellows' help with uncovering a great mystery that has been plaguing our people for years now!"

The king of Koopas raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember no big mystery haunting the mansion."

She ignored him. "A mystery that even the gods above would die to find the answer to!"

"Is she alright in the head?" Ganondorf whispered to Roy.

"Beats me," the pyromaniac replied.

Despite having heard that, Lucina still ignored it to get her message across. "I would like to uncover... the true... appearance of Sir Meta Knight!"

Almost immediately, the room froze with silence. Except for the television, but seconds later Ganondorf turned the screen off. The others were shocked when the warlock chuckled. "That sounds rather interesting," he said. "Always wondered what was under that midget's mask."

"I dunno, man. Pretty sure it was something disappointing," Bowser said. "I think it was another mask or some ninja thing," he explained.

"That's from Naruto," Ness interrupted. "The ninja teacher guy, you know... uh..."

"David Bowie?" Wolf asked.

Ness gave him a look. "What? No, what the hell?"

"Whoa there, kid. Language."

Lucina groaned. "So, do I have all your cooperation?" she asked. _On second thoughts, maybe I should explain more..._

"Eh, sure," Ike said. "Not like we got anything better to do anyways."

Roy then rubbed his hands together, an evil grin forming on his face. "I also need some blackmail material anyways..."

"..."

The gang got together to form a circle, looking around to make sure nobody else and especially Meta Knight wasn't around.

"Alright, gang," Bowser said. "I think it's time we officially start this top secret discussion."

Ganondorf nodded. "And we must absolutely not let any god damn bastards leak any of our conversation."

Ness smiled. "I'll try to keep in touch with my telepathy, to make sure nobody makes a mistake."

Wolf sighed. "We're really doin' this, aren't we?"

Roy snickered. "Why not? Might be worth it, whatever's under his mask."

Ike frowned. "I'm hungry."

"Damn it, Ike, read the mood."

Lucina clenched her fist, excited for her new group's discussion. "Alright, fellow Smashers! Let's begin the planning for Operation: Uncover Sir Meta Knight's Face!"

"...you suck at names."

"..."

Then they spent almost an hour planning their next course of actions.


	5. Hidden Behind the Mask (Part 2)

Previously on A Mansion's Various Blends, Lucina grew curious of Meta Knight's true appearance under his mask. Having been enlightened about her desires by Marth himself, she sets off to gather the help of her new comrades to help uncover the Kirby character's real face. Together, their terrifying team consists of:

 _Lucina_ (leader, alive, just curious)

 _Ike_ (alive, hungry)

 _Roy_ (alive, looking for blackmail material)

 _Ness_ (alive, thinks it'll be funny)

 _Wolf_ (alive, against it but didn't stop it)

 _Bowser_ (alive, forgot and curious)

 _Ganondorf_ (alive, wants to be an ass)

 _Roy's Cup of Orange Juice_ (deceased, dropped because of Lucina)

 _Ness' Drawing of Some Girl_ (not real, looks like crap)

 _David Bowie_ (deceased, a reference to a fanmade parody of a fanmade parody)

 _The Author_ (alive, caused it by writing it)

and _Meta Knight_ (alive, clueless target).

Wolf scratched his head as he read over the list of their nefarious group's members. "Uh, who the hell wrote this list?"

"That's not important now, Wolf," Roy said. "Stop getting distracted. You remember what to do, right?" he asked.

"Uh, sure. Yeah." Mentally deciding it was somewhat important anyways, the vulpine secretly added to his name, _(best member)_.

"Alright!" Bowser roared. "Then let's start the plan now! I'll go find the guy, can't be too hard."

Ness raised an eyebrow. "He's literally one of the most mysterious Smashers here," he pointed out.

"Whatever, schmuckever," Bowser responded. "I can do anything, I'm the king of Koopas. I'm off now! Do your jobs properly, chumps!" With that, he left the room in search of the masked puffball.

Everyone stared at the spot Bowser had been. "...schmuckever. Never heard _that_ one before," Wolf said.

"Get on with it," Ganondorf grunted. "I'm eager to punc... unveil his true face," he said.

"You're an ass."

"I know."

Everyone immediately ran around, trying to fulfill their parts. With more details, I shall explain everything:

Lucina's task was to find Kirby. She'd lure the pink puffball into the room, with promises of food.

While Kirby waited eagerly for his food, Ike and Roy would (with Peach's help, without telling her of the true plan) bake a cake. Wolf was also tasked with baking the cake, and if Ike got sidetracked by raiding the fridge instead of helping, Wolf was to shoot Ike and take over his task entirely and help Roy.

Ness is to practice batting in the room, andprepare to 'accidentally' let his bat go at some point. It might seem painful, but it's for a worthy cause.

In the case where Ike proves himself utterly useless, he was to refill Roy's cup of orange juice.

Roy's cup of orange juice, meanwhile, was tasked with refilling itself.

Ganondorf was to remain still in the room and do nothing until the perfect moment to unleash his Warlock Punch on Meta Knight.

David Bowie was supposed to remain dead.

And the author, stressed by several underlines, was tasked with making sure their plan goes perfectly no matter what, through narration power. (Pft. Sure.)

Bowser, meanwhile, is to get Meta Knight here somehow, no matter where he was.

And lastly, Meta Knight's assigned task is to have his face revealed.

You know, personally I think this plan is stupid, so you guys should-

"Yeah, nobody asked," Ness stated with a swing of his bat.

Rude.

Lucina, who had disappeared from the room, reentered with Kirby in her arms. "A-anyways, Sir Kirby. Please wait here for a while as my comrades are preparing food for you..."

"Poyo!" the pink puffball cheered.

The girl almost felt her willpower for the plan fade away, tempted with the desire to just hug the life out of this adorable creature. Almost.

They sat down on the sofa, the puffball watching whatever was on the TV while Lucina stared at him, weakening from his cuteness every passing second.

In the kitchen, Roy was listening to Peach explain the process of making cakes. Was the term "baking"? Yeah, I have no kitchen experience. "Got it," he said to Peach.

"I'll be watching over you in case anything bad happens... good luck, Roy!" Peach said.

Ike, on the other hand, looked through the fridge. "Nothing good in here..."

"Fuck you, Ike," Roy said quietly to make sure Peach didn't hear him.

Wolf, who had come in the check by this point, face palmed. "He's useless." He slammed the fridge door shut on the mercenary, rendering him unconscious. "Alright, what should I help with?"

"Well..." Peach began.

Back in the living room, everyone was just becoming relaxed from waiting until Bowser stomped inside, dragging an unwilling and confused Meta Knight by the cape. "Alright! The guardian's here! Now protect Kirby before I pound him unreasonably!" he roared.

The knight got up and looked at Kirby, who stared at the TV. He scratched his head. "Um. I fear I do not understand what the problem here seems to be...?"

Sighing, Bowser pointed to Kirby. "Ya see, this rascal ate _my_ well-deserved cake that I was planning to steal from everyone later. I want to beat him up, but to keep things PG, I need someone to stop me before I rampage!"

Meta Knight looked at Kirby once more. "...if you believe so, then I shall lend my-"

"Hey guys! The cake's finished!" Roy said as he walked into the room, carrying a tray with one of the most amazing cakes Lucina ever saw, alongside Wolf.

Everyone stared at the two, then back at Bowser and Meta Knight.

The Koopa King scratched his jaw. "Huh. I guess I got my timing wrong, chump." He nervously laughed while sending a glare to the others. _You fools weren't done yet!?_

They exchanged glances. "W-what seems to be the problem, Sir Bowser?" Lucina asked.

Kirby, meanwhile, smelled sweetness in the air and jumped up, turning around to see the cake. "P-poyo!" he yelled in surprise before drooling. An eager expression took over as he pulled a spoon and fork out of nowhere.

"Stupid hyperspace..." Wolf grumbled. "Meta Knight! Stop him! This is a second cake we baked to make up for the one he ate!" the vulpine lied.

"I see. Then I shall reprimand Kir-"

"Whoops," Ness genuinely muttered as his fingers genuinely and accidentally let go of the bat. "That wasn't suppose to happen yet...!" he whispered to himself as the bat suddenly flung itself towards the warlock everyone almost forgot about.

Ganondorf widened his eyes."Whoa there!" He growled and unleashed his Warlock Punch on the wooden bat, smashing it to several wooden pieces.

Millions of... uh... I mean, many wooden shards scattered around the room. Everyone present was able to shield themselves from it through some means, not suffering any injuries. One smacked Meta Knight's mask and, somehow through the logic of coincidence, it began falling.

 _Yes...! Fall! FAAAALL!_ everyone thought.

Until... a gloved hand grabbed it before it fell at all, revealing absolutely nothing behind the puffball knight's mask. "Phew. That was rather close," the knight said. He looked up at everyone, not noticing how shocked they were at the sudden action that thwarted their plans. "Is everyone doing fine?"

"..."

The room drowned in silence, one that Meta Knight wasn't sure where it came from. "...everyone?"

Then, Peach walked into the room. "Roy, I overheard you wanted a new cup of- whoa!" She tripped on a small puddle of pink frosting that fell from the cake when Kirby, unbeknownst to everyone amidst the chaos, had inhaled the giant treat. The princess accidentally released the glass of orange juice.

"Princess, be carefu-" Before the knight could finish his sentence, the pink frosting that she tripped on splattered on his mask. He flinched and jumped back in surprise. "Ack!"

In a twist of fate, the released cup of orange juice fell down on the knight, spilling its contents on him... and knocking his mask off.

Meta Knight fell back in shock, his face displayed to the room's residents, as they stared at him with pure shock.

(And slight joy at their plan succeeding, even if by pure coincidence.)

"...whoa. Cute," Roy said.

Meta Knight grabbed his sword.


	6. Hidden Behind the Mask (Part 3)

Roy snickered. "Cute."

He became a trophy in an instant.

Lucina and some others shrieked in surprise. "S-Sir Meta Knight! Please wait a second!" she exclaimed. "W-we were just, um, that was an accident!"

She turned to Ike, her expressions pleading for help.

Ike sighed. "Look, buddy, forgive them. This is just one whole mess that they didn't handle properly."

Meta Knight glared at him.

The mercenary shrugged. "I mean, look, buddy. Why don't you... uh... I don't know, pick up that piece of paper over there and read it and calm down?"

Following his finger, Meta Knight spotted a random piece of paper next to his feet. He picked it up and read it.

"Plan to Unmask Meta Knight... members."

Immediately, they all paled.

"...whoops," Ika whispered. The others barely managed to send him glares and mental death threats before the mercenary became a trophy in an instant.

"S-Sir Iiiiiike!" Lucina hissed.

Bowser panicked. "Holy shizzle ma niggle, the dude's gone crazy!" he screamed. "I'm outta here!"

"W-wait! He's blocking the path!" Wolf said.

The king of Koopas frowned. "Dear lord, someone save us..."

"It seems like my calling has arrived," Ganondorf grinned. He struck a battle stance, his fists glowing purple. "Foolish puffball, fear th-"

Meta Knight slashed him into a trophy.

"Your damn punch took too long!" Ness and Wolf exclaimed.

They took several steps back when Meta Knight faced them next.

"M-Mister Wolf, am I going to die here...?" Ness whispered.

Wolf shuddered. "No... no, kid, don't worry... there are strippers in Heaven, trust me."

Peach, who was watching the scene unfold after she had tripped, scowled at the vulpine. "Don't teach Ness such things!"

He snickered. "Better die without any regrets, right?"

Suddenly, Meta Knight was in front of him. Wolf was quick in reflex, however, dodged and grabbed Meta Knight's head with one hand. "Lucina! Go!" he exclaimed.

Lucina, Ness and Bowser took this as a sign and quickly ran out the room.

The vulpine then grinned at Meta Knight. "Heh, not so strong now, aren't you?" he said. "Why don't you take this time to calm down?"

Meta Knight stared at him, sword in hand. Then he threw the sword.

* * *

It had only been four seconds before a loud scream echoed everywhere, almost stopping the three escapees in their tracks.

"S-Sir Wolf... your efforts shall not be in v-vain..." Lucina sniffed and wiped a tear away.

"Amen..." Bowser mourned.

Ness raised an eyebrow. "He's just trophified, guys."

"Might as well as be dead!" Bowser retorted.

The three took another turn around the corner and kept running. Now why didn't they just separate instead of escaping together? Who knows.

"This is one lousy author," Ness muttered.

"N-now's not the time! I propose we hide somewhere Sir Meta Knight wouldn't check!" Lucina suggested.

Bowser raised an eyebrow. "Mind being a bit more specific?"

"U-umm..." The Fire Emblem character promptly returned to her thoughts.

Suddenly, Ness stopped. "Wait a second, I'm a kid! He's not going to kill me!"

"I thought you said it was just trophification."

He ignored the Koopa king. "I can survive this and save you two some time!" He turned around and grinned. "It's hero time!"

Bowser blinked. "...really? Ben 10 reference?"

"I- I just saw it on TV recently, shut up!"

The two nodded gratefully to the boy, however, and continued their escape. Ness heard Lucina consider Master Hand's office under her breath. The boy stood his ground and waited a few seconds. Soon, Meta Knight turned from a corner and appeared into his view, walking slowly (it was somewhat eerie).

Ness gulped. "I- I guess this is it, Meta Knight!" he said.

Meta Knight didn't reply, but stopped a distance in front of the boy.

The boy tried to look confident in his own power. "...I- I won't let you past me. I'm a kid- you won't get rid of me, because you're an honorable knight!"

"..." The masked puffball grabbed his sword.

 _Oh shit._ Ness braced himself for an attack.

...except it never came. Ness opened his eyes again. Meta Knight was no where to be found- or rather, he was already running past him. Ness turned around. "C-crap! He got through!" He was about to run, when someone screamed behind him.

Ashley had just turned around the corner and spotted him, and was covering her face. "Y-you shameless pervert!"

"W-what...?" Ness looked down and his eyes widened. He was in his underwear and nothing else. The boy turned red and covered himself, cursing Meta Knight. "You asshole!" he screamed in Meta Knight's direction.

* * *

"Oh no! They got the young man Ness too!" Lucina screamed as she heard a scream.

Bowser scratched his head. "I think that was a girl's scream..." Confused as he is, he decided not to think to much about it.

The two reached a huge door and began knocking on it. It took a few seconds before they calmed down and read the note attached to the front-

 _I'm away right now on heroic duties. Come back later! - Master Hand_

Bowser grimaced. "What the hell does Master Hand even do?" he muttered.

They heard steps behind them and turned around- Meta Knight had already caught up.

"S-shi... curses!" Lucina said.

"Why're you trying not to swear?" Bowser asked.

Meta Knight drew his sword and rushed towards them. Lucina growled and pulled out her sword. "Sir Bowser, I would love it if you stopped questioning everything!" she exclaimed and blocked the puffball's slash. She reflected the knight away from them and prepared for an actual battle. "Sir Bowser, would you mind helping?"

The Koopa king grunted. "Well, not like we can run any longer anyways. Bring it on, puffball!" Bowser roared.

Meta Knight leaped towards them again, bringing his sword down. The pair jumped back, and Lucina once gain clashed swords with him. She then rolled behind the knight, and Bowser prepared his flame breath. Meta Knight brought his cloak up to defend against the flames, but felt Lucina prepare to strike him from behind. He rolled behind her again, and slashed at her.

Lucina winced in pain, but managed to jump away before anymore slashes.

Bowser chose this time to slide towards the knight, his claws ready to shred the knight to pieces. Meta Knight blocked the claws with his sword and slashed at the Koopa, who quickly retracted his body into his shell. The beast then began spinning around, blasting off towards the knight, who jumped over the turtle with ease.

Right as he landed, however, Lucina struck him with her sword. To her dismay, the knight's mask was in the way, thus his mask was simply knocked off the knight. Meta Knight wasn't too fazed though, and took this chance to grab her sword with his hand and yanked it away from the warrior.

Lucina gasped, then jumped back from another oncoming slash. Now without her sword, she wasn't sure of what she could do. The girl kept her focus on the knight and kept dodging, waiting for the chance to roll behind him to recover her sword.

Bowser, still spinning far away, began spinning back towards their direction. Meta Knight noticed this again and jumped up to avoid the charging beast.

However, Bowser quickly resurfaced from his shell and grabbed Meta Knight. "Get the sword, Lucina!"

"R-right!" The girl quickly rolled back and grabbed her sword.

Just as Meta Knight threw his sword at Bowser's face, Lucina quickly turned around and slashed the knight, as Bowser barely managed to tilt his head and dodge the thrown blade.

A flash of light emitted from the knight, and the two quickly covered their eyes.

When they opened their eyes again, in front of them was... Meta Knight's trophy.

The two exchanged glances, then smiled. "W-we did it!" Lucina exclaimed. "Sir Bowser, we did it!"

Bowser laughed. "Man, I was scared as hell!" He glared at the Meta Knight trophy. "Didn't think little dude would be so uncontrollable. And Lucina, hell, man. You're not as bad as I thought!"

"I-is that so?" Lucina asked.

The two exchanged a round of laughter, before calming down and staring at the Meta Knight trophy. "...do you think perhaps he might've calmed down now?"

Bowser scratched his head. "Eh. I'm not sure about reviving him now, but... I'll be on guard, so go ahead."

Lucina nodded. She tapped the fallen warrior's trophy base and the trophy began glowing again.

Soon enough, after another flash, Meta Knight stood on the ground, dazed. He looked around. "...I..."

Bowser readied his claws, while Lucina secretly put a hand on her sword's hilt. "I pray you are feeling fine, Sir Meta Knight."

The knight looked at the girl. "...I apologize, I believe that was quite... unsightly of me," he finally said. The two then sighed with relief. "I am not sure what took over me, but... I suppose I simply couldn't control my rage after being unmasked.

"Sure, whatever, buddy. Not my concern," Bowser grumbled. "Just don't go crazy next time with your killing." _This seems so rushed_ , the Koopa thought. Hey, don't judge me, you overgrown lizard. "You lousy author." Shush. He then began staggering away, not really caring about the whole ordeal anymore.

Lucina blinked. "...Sir Meta Knight, I must also apologize. I was simply curious about your true face," she said.

Meta Knight sighed. "No, it is fine. I suppose it is somewhat immature of me to react that badly to a simple unmasking."

"...I think..." Lucina began, turning a bit red. "I think you look... somewhat adorable though."

"...I see." He wasn't sure how to respond to that. But I suppose, all's well that ends well.


	7. Ganondorf's Short Coffee Quest

Ganondorf was pissed.

Like, _really_ pissed.

This morning he woke up with a craving for some _wicked, evil coffee_. But when he went to the... uh... that small room that's like a living room, but connected to the kitchen, and not exactly a dining room, but people can sit and relax at. Yeah, I don't know the word for it. When he went to that room...

"Sorry, Ganondorf. We can't make coffee right now," Peach said. "Earlier, that dear Kirby inhaled many things in this room, some of it being the coffee grinder and our supply of coffee beans. Would you be a dear and go replenish our supply for me? Most others aren't awake yet."

After much complaining, he was sent by Peach to the nearest mall market store thing whatever to the mansion. The name of the place? No, I don't know. It's probably not Walmart, since that'd almost be like I'm just copying a certain amazing author's story.

He spent... no, he _wasted_ some minutes of his life, searching for the _wicked, evil coffee_ products he desired.

But there were none.

"Sorry, dear customer. Priorly, an enormous blue penguin royalty stormed into the store and had his small minions buy almost everything. That included all our coffee products. Perhaps you could return another day..."

After more complaining, Ganondorf left the unnamed mall shop store thing and went home.

He went to question that fat bastard King Dedede. Actually, 'king'? What a joke.

"Ah, sorry chumps. I was attacked by that garlic fetishist and he stole all my products that I had my Waddle Dee's and Waddle Doo's buy... can you go get them back for me? I promise I'll share them with ya!"

After several more grunting about how incompetent everyone were, he decided to head to Wario's room.

"Ah, hey. I'm-a making all these coffee for future plans of-a drugs and... uh... I mean, drinks. Good ol' drinks, nothing-a wrong. Would you be my test-a subject?"

"..."

 _I'll just drink water,_ he thought and left.


	8. The Hand of Justice

"...have you Smashers ever heard of... the Hand of Justice?"

Master Hand suddenly asked, in the middle of a meeting between himself, the twelve original Smashers, ROB (record keeper) and Mr. Game & Watch (the default janitor for the mansion). Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up, giving him odd glances.

"The Hand of... what?" Ness asked.

"Yoshi doesn't recall that name," Yoshi said.

"Poy, poyo..." Kirby said and shook his head.

Yoshi and Kirby asides, everyone else mentally rolled their eyes, piecing mentally what their leader was probably talking about.

 _He's talking about his superhero costume, isn't he?_ Samus thought.

 _Yeah, it's that "Handy Man to the rescue" he does from time to time..._ Link thought.

 _Oh,_ that _hand costume thing,_ Ness thought.

 _I think it's-a rather admirable, but..._ Mario thought and held himself back from chuckling.

 _That's not Crazy Hand?_ Fox wondered.

 _No, Crazy's a left hand, remember? Master Hand's a right hand,_ Jigglypuff thought.

"...I see..." Master Hand finally said amidst their hidden telepathic conversation, replying to the younger Smashers. "Well, kids, apparently he's a mysterious hand creature that protects this place."

"He does, huh?" Ness said. "Sounds, uh, like a cool fella."

"Indeed. I have nothing but admiration for such a noble hand..." Master Hand said and seemingly nodded with his gigantic hand body.

Luigi choked on his laughter, luckily losing his calm right as he was drinking from a cup. "S-sorry, I just-a choked... uhugh..."

 _Dude, that was dangerous,_ Jigglypuff thought. _What if he thought we were laughing at him!?_

 _S-sorry..._ Luigi apologized.

 _I think you should worry more about this silence,_ Pikachu thought. _Master Hand might get suspicious._

"What's the matter, you guys?" Master Hand suddenly asked.

 _Shit. See?_ " _P-pikapi... (N-nothing...)_ " the rodent quickly replied.

"You seem troubled. Is something on your mind?" Master Hand asked.

Everyone looked at Pikachu, hoping he doesn't get them in trouble.

" _P-pi... pikacchu, pika pi pikachu! (W-well... somehow, I think he sounds creepy!)_ " Pikachu suddenly blurted.

 _Pikachu, what the hell!?_ Fox thought, his eyes widening as emphasis.

 _S-sorry! I panicked!_ Pikachu thought.

 _I pray to God we don't get killed,_ Ness thought.

 _...how are we even talking telepathically?_ Luigi wondered.

 _Not now, Luigi. Save the crap for some other time,_ Samus thought.

 _Sorry..._ Luigi thought.

Suddenly, Captain Falcon cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention.

 _Oh, right, that guy... he's been silent this entire time,_ Link thought.

 _What's he up to...?_ Mario wondered.

"Say, speaking of hands..." Captain Falcon began. "I _do_ know a certain 'hand of justice' that I rely on everyday..."

Master Hand stopped moving in midair. "H-huh? You... you do?" he asked. "That sounds... um, m-marvelous!"

 _...why's he panicking?_ Ness asked.

 _I guess he thinks nobody knows the true identity of his Handy Man shtick?_ Samus thought.

 _You kidding me?_ Fox thought. _There's no way he's that gullible._

 _Me hungry,_ Donkey Kong thought.

 _Damn it, DK, focus!_ Link thought.

Captain Falcon suddenly laughed. "Yeah, I do!" he said. "You see... every night, I rely on my 'hand of justice' to help me, well... relieve some-"

"Dude!" Fox shouted, getting up. "We got kids over here!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms towards Ness', Yoshi's and Kirby's direction.

"Hey, I'm not a kid anymore!" Ness said. "But that's still gross! Ew!"

Samus got up and kicked Captain Falcon across the face. "Think before you open your stupid mouth, you idiot! No, wait, just don't open your mouth ever again!"

"Ow! You guys worry too much, geez!" Captian Falcon hissed. "They'll grow up and learn all these things anyways. You know what they say, better sooner than later!"

"I don't recall that-a saying..." Luigi mused.

"I remember 'better later than never' though..." Fox said.

DK yawned.

Suddenly, Mario noticed that Master Hand was petrified. "M-Master Hand? What's-a the matter?"

Everyone stopped bickering and turned to the giant floating hand, who now seemed... uh... down.

"...I lost to his dirty hand..." the giant right hand muttered.

 _Oh._ Then they all turned to Captain Falcon. _Yeah, I'd be pissed about losing to him in any aspect,_ most thought.

"...ha! Master Hand, please don't fret over that stuff," Captain Falcon said. "Only losers are bothered by such things. How do you become not a loser? Well, I can tell you! You just need a daily dose of some good Falcon's Pu-"

Samus kicked him again, this time sending him out the window. "Stop bringing that stupid crap up!" she growled.

"Aaaaa...h..."

The following splat noise was ignored.

"...w-well then, I think that's all for the meeting, isn't that-a right?" Mario began again.

Samus nodded. "Y-yeah. Next time I'll bring some more details, I guess."

Link got up. "I should, uh, probably get going now. Hope you're okay, Master Hand."

"Wishing good luck for you and that, uh, mysterious hand dude," Ness said.

One by one, everyone made to leave the room, feeling awkward from Master Hand's depression.

"...bummer," he finally muttered.


	9. Personal Preferences

Captain Falcon walked down the corridors, whistling the tune of Mute City to himself. Then he stopped upon noticing, within an open room in front of him, some figures sitting on a couch. "Hmm..." he muttered, rubbing his chin before sneaking in. Slowly, he made his way behind the person.

It turned out to be Ridley. And the villain seemed to be reading something.

 _How'd I not recognize this goon?_ Captain Falcon wondered. He slowly leaned sideways to see what the dragon... pirate... thing, was reading.

Turns out he was just holding several pictures.

 _Huh. Boring guy with no life._ Captain Falcon was about to stop when he, upon proper focus, realized they were pictures of Samus.

Messed up pictures of Samus.

Ah ah ah. What kind of 'messed up' did you think I meant?

These were gory fanarts of Samus. They were freaky, gore-fetish fandrawn pictures of Samus.

"Dude!" Captain Falcon shouted. "What the hell!?"

Ridley didn't seem affected, but he turned around nevertheless. "Oh, it's you. What?"

Captain Falcon pointed to the pictures. "Those pictures! I thought you'd turn out to be a pervert, but that's just sick!"

The space dragon raised an eyebrow... eye... something. "Dude, I'm an evil, wicked, nefarious space pirate dragon, with an intense hatred for that blasted Samus. What else would I enjoy?" he asked. "And before you say porn, ew. I would never ever lower myself to that level."

"...but did it have to be bloody and messy like that?" the racer asked.

Ridley rolled his eyes and got up,patting the Smasher's back. "Everyone's got their preferences, little one. When I become a Smasher one day, I'll teach you to judge people by their kinks."

 _Like hell you'd ever become a Smasher,_ Captain Falcon thought.

Oh, wouldn't you like to know, Captain. Wouldn't you loooove to know.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nothing. Stick with your time, boy.

"...right."

Now with nothing to do again, and definitely no shame nor guilt, he exited the room and continued walking through the corridors.

Then he spotted his buddy Samus Aran holding a framed photo. He grinned- nothing beats a day of bothering one of his close friends. The racer casually strolled up to the bounty hunter. "Hey, Sammy. What's caught your eye?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Samus muttered. He could've sworn he heard a low groan too.

 _Oh well._ He leaned slightly to see the photo.

It was... a picture of Ike and Marth, standing and facing opposite directions. But they were positioned in a way that almost made it look like they were kissing, albeit with eyes opened and...

Captain Falcon winced. "Woman, you are _sick!_ " he shouted, backing off.

Samus rolled her eyes. "Okay, first, this is a gift from Zelda. I'm not a fan of it, but I'm not disrespectful." She glared at the captain. "Secondly, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or liking gay content. Don't judge me, and don't judge Zelda nor anyone else who likes this kind of thing."

"O... okay, okay, sheesh," he murmured.

Then she grabbed him by the collar. "And three... don't you ever call me Sammy again."

"Whoa, chill, woman! Gods, can't a guy make a remark without offending anyone?"

 _Wouldn't hurt to keep your disgust to yourself,_ Samus thought as she let him go.

Sighing, Captain Falcon continued his walk.

Then he spotted another of his friends- Jigglypuff! She was peering into a room. Captain Falcon grinned- time to tease the puffball! He sneaked closer to see what she was staring at.

Kirby was inside the room, enjoying a slice of cake.

Captain Falcon frowned. Then he looked down at Jigglypuff. "...dude, Kirby's just a puffball. You seriously like him?"

She jumped in surprise, then turned red, then turned angry. "And just _who_ do you think you're talking to!?" she asked.

The racer blinked.

He stared.

Then he turned around and walked away without a word.

Making his way to the cafeteria, where he can also relax, the racer sighed and pulled out an album of pictures and started looking through it. "All those people, they don't have nothing better to do to kill time... jeez, I'll just look through my treasured album and think of the past. Good memories, yes, Captain."

* * *

Cloud walked past several tables as he enjoyed a chocolate bar hanging from his mouth. He noticed Captain Falcon looking through an album and peered inside.

 _My 79th Falcon Punch mix. Truly a masterpiece, as always._

 _My 80th Falcon Punch mix. I added a bit of orange. It's beautiful._

 _My 81st Falcon Punch mix. Olimar's Pikmin are amazing._

Cloud shook his head. _These people need help._


	10. Collection S - Before it Begins

Ashley hummed a dark tune to herself as she dusted off the, uh, dust, from the walls of the mansion's corridors. Peach and her friend Daisy- a trophy character who was allowed to stay due to Master Hand not wanting to upset anyone at the exclusion of their respective trophy friends- had decided to clean some parts of the mansion, and the small witch was unfortunate enough to be in their sights at the time of their starting.

Nevertheless, she took her duties seriously, so the witch found nothing wrong with doing a proper job. Even if she didn't want to do it initially, she now knew of Peach's terrifying side from her... rather pointless Happy Tea Time event. Thing.

"...uh oh," Ashley suddenly said, grimacing. "I feel like I'm the focus of something..." she muttered.

Then, just nearby, she noticed a certain royal penguin exit a room. King Dedede, likewise, noticed her and raised an eyebrow. He made his way towards her, intent on being a jerk to the often-pissed witch. "Hey, squirt. What am I seeing here... uh oh." He suddenly froze.

Ashley blinked. "What?"

"...I'm outta here!" Dedede said, quickly turning tail and fleeing the scenes.

Confusion rising, Ashley looked behind her thinking perhaps someone terrifying was behind her. She saw no one around, confusing her even more. "What the hell is up with him...?" she mused. _And why do I feel like I'm being focused on...?_

Then she saw Falco coming from where Dedede had fled. "What's the matter with Dedede? Seemed all terrified or something... oh, hey kiddo," the avian greeted the witch.

"I'm not a kid," Ashley growled.

Falco blinked. "...huh."

"...?" The witch noticed the pilot just staring at her, unfazed. "What?"

"Seems like the story's back, huh. Good for you, mnkm. Finally getting off your lazy ass to write something, after three damn months." Falco snickered and, hoping the author wouldn't do something to him, took the chance to walk away whilst savoring the taste of coffee from his cup.

Ashley blinked, before she growled. "Oh, so _that's_ why... I'm the damn focus of this chapter, aren't I?" she asked no one in particular.

Sighing, the girl resumed her given duties and dusted more, uh, dust, off the walls.

This lasted for several seconds... no, few minutes... hm, more than few...

The small witch stuck to her duties, unfazed.

* * *

Bowser casually strolled down the corridors of Smash Mansion- a different area of the mansion, by the way, mind you- humming the theme of his dark counterpart from the Mario & Luigi series. He suddenly frowned and stopped in his tracks, scratching his chin. "Wonder why'd I hum that song? Hm... must be forced but late promotional action."

Not questioning his questionably on-point guess that would seem insane to, well, anyone, the king of Koopa continued merrily through the empty corridors, when...

"We're all trapped in this crappy story again!" Dedede cried, running past him.

Slightly surprised, Bowser jumped sideways and stared as the royal penguin disappeared somewhere. He raised an eyebrow. "Never really understood what that fellow was high on, even from before the Tabuu crap..." he muttered. "Oh, well. Back to finding Junior, I suppose."

He then resumed walking and, taking a turn right, ended up at the entrance of one of the mansion's many living rooms. The reptile saw his son sitting inside the room, but noticed the little lizard was also with someone- notably a light-skinned rabbit of a certain hedgehog's universe.

"Hey! Um, what do you think about, uh, this?" Bowser Jr. asked his new friend.

Cream the Rabbit chuckled. "Why, I think it looks really nice. You seem to be quite skilled at drawing, Junior."

"Y-yeah! I am!" Bowser Jr. exclaimed with an easily readable smile.

Bowser sniffed from outside, shedding a tear of joy. "Lil' Junior's found a new friend..." he whispered to himself. "Oh, they grow up so fast..."

Ike walked past and looked inside the room. _I think it's more than that, buddy,_ he thought but didn't say.

* * *

Dr. Mario rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, not even looking up. "I understand-a your enthusiasm, but if you don't-a stop, you'll be visiting me everyday..." he muttered.

Captain Falcon laughed. "A daily little visit from your best friend isn't too much trouble now, is it? C'mon, doc!"

 _Who's your best friend!?_ the doctor thought. "Douglas, as-a happy as I feel about you totally cherishing our friendship, my supplies-a don't remain forever. I'll run out-a fast and have to buy more, and that's-a being done out of my own-a wallet!"

The racer scratched his head. "I mean... that sounds just about right."

"..." Dr. Mario grimaced. That was indeed quite normal, he supposed, but the thought of having to visit various medical places for supplies more often irked him to no end. "What are you even doing to make-a everyone beat you up everyday?"

"I dunno, doc. Everyone just can't stop being angry at me for some reason..." The racer slash bounty hunter sighed. "They ought to show me more respect! Falcon respect, I tell ya!"

"...that doesn't tell me-a much, Douglas," Dr. Mario said.

Captain Falcon shrugged. "Well, whatever. Anyways, I think I know something that could help you, doc!" He pulled out a bottle of questionable liquid from hyperspace and presented it to his adversary. "See this? This amazing Falcon Punch can help cure your patients' wounds and illnesses for sure, hundred percent guaranteed! I bet it can even cure cancer, because everyone knows cancer only Falcon Loses!"

 _What the hell?_ Dr. Mario thought.

"To top it off, my Falcon Punch is loved by everyone! Give your patients a daily dose of Falcon Punch, and-"

"Yeah, no," Dr. Mario grumbled and took the bottle from his patient, throwing it out the window.

"Noooo! My Falcon Punch!"

* * *

Lucina let out a small moan, then quickly covered her mouth. "M-my apologies!"

Palutena chuckled. "It's alright, Lucy. That was an adorable squeak out of you just now."

The dame flushed red, pouting. "I, I can't help it, Lady Palutena. Your hands are just magical..."

 _I'm just caressing your hair though..._ the green haired goddess thought. "I see. How flattering..."

Silence took over the room once more as she sat in silence, the deity resuming her gentle treatment of the warrior's hair.

"But still... what pretty hair you have, Lucy. I'm almost envious of you."

"B-but that's... your hair looks much more beautiful though!" Lucina interjected. "I mean, green hair! My lady, I think you've definitely earned your title as a goddess!"

 _...what title?_ the goddess thought once more. "That's really flattering to hear, Lucy. But perhaps a bit too nice... you charmer, you, are you trying to get on my good side?" she asked with a grin.

Lucina frowned, but blushed nevertheless. "W-wha- of of of of course not!" she denied. "I, I'm not that shameless, Lady Palutena!"

Another chuckle. "Sure you aren't." Palutene leaned forward and planted a kiss on the girl's cheek. "Anyways, that's enough for now, I suppose. I just remembered something I have to do. See you later, Lucy."

"...r-right..." the warrior whispered back, completely fazed by what she had just received.

 _Wh... what was that!?_ she thought. _Lady Palutena just... Lady Palutena just kissed me! On the cheek!_

Her lips started to form a smile. Quivering in embarrassment, the girl tried to force the smile away, but eventually she was smiling so brightly that an aura of happiness emanated from her.

At that moment, Snake casually strolled into the room. "Hm? Oh, Marth's chick clone. What's up?" he asked."You look so happy right n-"

"A-Addis Ababaaaaa!" Lucina suddenly screamed, unsheathing her sword and jabbing at the mercenary, completely taken by his entrance.

"W-whoa! Lady what the f-"

"I'm not happy right now!" Lucina shrieked with an unconvincing smile. Fearing for his life, Snake ran out the room, and the girl gave chase, screaming out more obvious denials.

* * *

Crazy Hand twitched as he floated in his room. "My cozy room," he corrected. Yes, his cozy room.

Suddenly-

" _Announcement to all readers!_ " he shouted. Struggling around in his room, he began knocking things down his shelves, but with magical powers he rearranged everything back to how they were before his spasms. "Listen up, you plebeians!

From now on, this story's going to become less of a oneshot collection! It's going to start getting plotlines and arcs and that stupid crap!

It's also going to be longer again and probably slightly but just slightly as in only a little bit better than before!

But it's still crap! Everything's still crap! I'm crap! You're crap! FanFiction dot Net is cra-"

"What is going on here!?" Master Hand yelled, barging into the room."Crazy, please stop shouting stuff. I'm getting complaints from some people who've just woken up that your screaming is killing them."

"Just woken up!?" Crazy Hand repeated. "But it's noon!"

"I know, right? Let's go educate everyone about the benefits of sleeping early," Master Hand suggested.

Crazy Hand rolled his eyes...? "Oh, brother."

 _ENDROLL_

 _CREDITS_

 _MASTER HAND AS... Master Hand_

 _CRAZY HAND AS... Crazy Hand_

 _ASHLEY AS... Tsundere Witch Girl_

 _KING DEDEDE AS... Royal Duck_

 _FALCO AS... Falco_

 _DOUG BOWSER AS... Turtle Dad_

 _BOWSER JR. AS... Definitely a Furry_

 _CREAM THE RABBIT AS... Furry Bait_

 _IKE AS... One-Line Dude_

 _DOCTOR WHO AS... Dr. Mario_

 _FALCON PUNCH AS... Product Placement_

 _LUCINA AS... Newfound Lesbian_

 _PALUTENA AS... Palucina Tease_

 _SOLID SNAKE AS... Butt Monkey_

 _MNKM AS... The Best Auth-_

"Yeah, okay, this is boring," Crazy Hand muttered. "Let's go, brother!"

"Uh, right. Let's go." The two hands floated out the room faster than Sonic, probably.

The room was then bathed in silence.

...

Yeah, so, I'll be picking up this story again and try to update it more... often? Wow, it's been like around three months since I last touched this. Haha, amazing how lazy I can be. Thing is, I've always wanted to incorporate serious plots into this story, but I had conflicting decisions on how to go about the story format, which eventually led to me being so lazy that I just sort of stopped updating it.

But now, with Smash Ultimate having come out several months ago, I wanted to pick up on this story again and finish all my SSB4 story plans. I'm also going to try and tone down the fourth wall crap a bit, since obviously I'm forcing it for the (non-existant) lols. Then again, I only did it because I thought I might as well as do it anyways, but now I'm too lazy to think of how to add in half-assed fourth wall breaking. Uh, I'm not even sure what I'm saying anymore, but basically I'll, uh...

...eh.

Let's just say I'm back to this story, and it's going to be less one-shot story and more story... story, now. Above were some reincorporated events from the original story (A Mix of Punch and Coffee). Further chapters will bring in new stories and perhaps even touch a bit on these shorts.

Ciaou ciaou, tune in next time for crap.

I guess.

Eh.


	11. A Dark Plot (Part 1)

Lucas walked through the corridor, feeling slightly happy one day. He hummed his own series' tune, before walking into someone. "Oof... s-sorry!" he quickly apologized.

"WAHtch where you're-a going, pipsqueak!" a mean voice quacked.

Lucas frowned and looked up, and his frown got worse. _Ugh... it's that mean person who hates Mr. Luigi..._ he thought. "I-I'm very sorry!" he said.

"WAHtever. Scram!" Waluigi yelled, then strolled off.

Lucas sniffed. "...meanie." He took one last glimpse at Waluigi, before turning around and continuing on his way. The plumber (occupation questionable) seemed to be holding a bottle of some strange liquid in his hands, but the child didn't think anything was suspicious about that.

Meanwhile, Waluigi stopped walking and looked back at Lucas. A wicked grin crawled onto his face.

* * *

Wario quietly cleaned some glasses in his possessions as various other characters stood around his personal lounge, chatting away and discussing various things. Normally he'd be pissed, but this specific location was his own special bar for people to come to relax, and Wario- the very bartender of this place, much to the others's skepticism- would gladly let people spend their time here... provided they pay for their drinks, of course.

He whistled to himself as some people entered his secret bar. "Welcome, welcome. What would you-a like to order?" he grumbled.

Link rubbed his chin. "Hmm... what's this Legendary Shroom Shake?" he asked.

"Oh, that's-a just a shake with one of the rarest edible mushrooms found in our universe," Wario answered. "It's-a well known for always tasting good no matter how you-a prepare it."

"That... sounds good enough," Link said. "One for me, then. What about you, Robin?"

The Fire Emblem character looked over the crudely drawn menu, which was still eligible, he supposed. "Hmm... I'm not seeing it anywhere, but I don't suppose you have any desserts here? Like, ice cream?"

Wario blinked, unamused. "...we don't-a serve that here." Pausing, the man pulled another menu from below the counter. "But I've gotten enough similar questions in the past-a, so I'll start serving those here, I suppose. Take your time."

Robin smiled. "Thanks. Let's see... ooh, this sounds nice. Mr. Frosty's Flavor Block? Get me one in vanilla, please."

"Right-o." Wario disappeared somewhere, and the two swordsmen were left to their own devices.

Link sighed. "Man, it's been a long day of battling non-stop for me..." he muttered. "Master Hand's gotta lay it a bit easier on me, you know?"

Robin chuckled. "You must be extremely skilled then, to have fought through all the battles for today."

"Well... sure..." Link said. _But I lost more than half of them though..._ he thought.

"I just recently won a few matches myself today," Robin added. "But a few of those are thanks to the, um... assistant characters?"

"Oh, Assist Trophies," Link said. "Yeah, they're really handy, aren't they?"

Suddenly, another person sat down next to the Hylian. "Handy? Tell me about it," Samus growled. "Some of them get on my nerves sometimes..." she said.

Link blinked. "...well, come on, Samus. Not anyone's fault they managed to get their hands on one Assist Trophy summon," he said with a grin.

"I'm going to blast your face to shreds next time, before you grab any items."

"Scary," Robin whispered. Link laughed.

"Anyways..." Samus said before looking around. "I'm not sure if it's just me, but some of the trophies living here are behaving a bit... strangely," she said. "Have you noticed that?"

The Legend of Zelda character stared. "I, uh... really? I haven't noticed that. Have you, Robin?"

"I'm... afraid not, sorry." Robin scratched his head. "What do you mean by strange behaviors, though? ...if I may ask."

Samus nodded. "Yeah, well... some of them become a bit sneaky when they're near Smashers, it seems. I've also noticed a variety of villainous characters looking down on Smashers and grinning eerily, for unexplained reasons."

"That's just them being assholes," Link reassured.

"Link, grinning at someone and staring at them eerily is _not_ an asshole move," Samus said. "That's an 'I'm planning something' move."

"...you sure about that?" Link asked.

Robin shrugged. "I mean, it's not really mean to grin at someone like a creep," he said. "So maybe she's right, Link."

The Hylian rolled his eyes. "Heh, you two are just paranoid," he began. His voice died as he suddenly recalled something, however. "...but I did see some more characters being weirdos recently," he said. "Like that purple skinny Luigi guy."

"Waluigi?" Samus asked. "What weird stuff did you see him do?"

"Uh... just the other day he was preaching out loud in the cafeteria about how he's going to take over the mansion," Link said. "This other day he was trying to stealth his way through the hallway, carrying a bottle of plain water, like a spy mission or something... like Snake, yeah." Then the Hylian scratched his head. "And just yesterday I caught him in the laundry room laughing evilly to himself and sniffing Rosa-"

"Okay, too much information there," Samus interrupted. "I think that's just him being the creep he normally is, Link."

"You think so?" Robin asked.

Samus rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's get real. That sort of guy, there's no way he could be plotting anything too bad for us, it's got to be other characters."

Wario, who had just returned, didn't say anything but handed over the ordered drinks and desserts to Link and Robin. "Here-a you go, chumps."

"Oh, thanks, buddy."

"Thanks, Wario."

He observed them as they enjoyed their orders, while Samus grabbed a menu and began pondering what to order. _Waluigi... you..._

* * *

Ashley pushed her door open with a yawn. "Mrrnmn... toilet." She let her door close itself and casually strolled down the corridors painted with black and moonlight. Luckily for her, her destination was just around the corner, closest to the room she was staying in.

The mansion housed most of the Smashers in their own rooms, some opting to partner together, and most other characters were just given a different floor with manipulated space and dimension to allow all of them to fit together in one room. Master Hand was kind enough to grant certain characters their own room, given that they behave and perform well at their duties. Ashley was one such character.

She turned a corner and disappeared into the toilet entrance, heading left for the women's room.

In around a minute, she then exited and sighed. "Good riddance, I say..." she whispered.

Ashley then saw Pacman walking down the corridor. The yellow... creature noticed her and smiled and waved.

"Yes, hello, Pacman. Shouldn't you be sleeping?" the witch asked.

" _(Waka waka waka,)_ " Pacman replied.

She raised an eyebrow. "Patrol? For what?"

The yellow creature shrugged. " _(Waka.)_ "

"...right." Ashley made to walk past him, but stopped when she saw him glance past her. She turned around and, despite the darkness of the night, winced her eye to spot two figures. "...huh..."

Pacman stared, before he slowly crept forward. " _(Waka waka...)_ "

"...sure, okay." Ashley quietly followed him as they neared the source of a conversation.

A conversation that they didn't quite find settling.

"So all... has to... make... drink this...?"

"Hmhm... mortal... simple task..."

"Wahaha... will not-a fail!"

"Better not... hopes in this experiment..."

Ashley and Pacman exchanged glances.

"...yeah, it's probably bad," Ashley whispered and pulled out a wand from nowhere. "Halt!" she shouted. The two figures tensed and most likely stared at her. "Don't try anything funny. Quietly get over here and..."

"WAH! It's that witch-a friend of Wario's!" the tall, skinny figure yelled.

The other figure, tall and cloaked, rubbed his chin with skeletal bones. "Hmm... it seems we part here, my friend. Do not fail, or we will be disappointed." He then turned around and faded away.

Ashley frowned. "Hey! I said not to move!" she exclaimed.

Waluigi's silhouette then turned the opposite direction and began running.

The two, alarmed, rushed to the spot they saw them speaking at. Ashley looked left and right. "Curses...!"

Pacman pointed right. " _(Waka!)_ "

"Got it!" Ashley turned right and chased after her friend's acquaintance, while Pacman turned left and morphed into his simplistic ball form, rushing after the other mysterious figure. The witch found it especially troubling how Waluigi could be so fast, but she eventually recalled how tall the skinny man was. "Stupid skinny jeans and legs," she muttered. "Stop right there!"

"Never! WAH!" Waluigi yelled.

They took another turn around a corner.

"I'm telling you!" Ashley hissed. "If you don't stop now, I will curse you!"

"WAHt's that going to do, WAH?" Waluigi asked in a mocking tone. "Waluigi's not scared of baby language!"

"Baby la... that does it!" the witch growled. She pointed her wand at Waluigi's back. " _Jio ira un..._ wait, what spell was that?"

Waluigi laughed. "Waluigi knew your-a magic wouldn't work! Pipsqueak!"

"I will roast your eyeballs alive!" Ashley screamed.

Suddenly, Waluigi stopped running and turned to a door. "Wahahah!" he laughed and kicked the door open.

Inside, Mr. Game & Watch jumped with surprise. " _(Beep!)_ "

"Shut up, WAH!" Waluigi exclaimed and stomped over to the 2D person. Ashley stopped in front of the entrance, an expression of slight confusion and rage on her face.

"Hey! What're you-"

"Drink-a this!" Waluigi said and flicked the lid off a tube he was carrying. He grabbed Mr. Game & Watch by the throat, causing him to choke and gasp for air, and poured the mysterious liquid within down the 2D man's throat... however that worked. "Wahahah! Success!"

" _(Beepbeepbipbippbp)_ "

Ashley aimed her wand at the thin Italian. "Say your prayers, jerkface!"

* * *

"Red 4."

"Blue 4, Blue 5, Blue 8."

"Yellow 8."

"Heh, suckers," Wolf rasped and, pridefully, tossed a familiar card of terror onto the pile. "Wild Draw 4! I choose the color green."

Ganondorf groaned. "You damned wolf, you suck."

Bowser rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Wolf, would you say that was your... trump card?"

Silence.

The Gerudo then gave his adversary an extremely unamused look, whilst Wolf raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh.

"Sorry, sorry. I just thought I should try getting into dad jokes," the king of Koopas said. "I hear kids love them, so I was thinking I could try them on Junior."

Wolf turned away. "Y-yeah... sure... kids will totally- _pft_ \- love them..." he joked.

"Yeah, I thought so too," Bowser replied, not having caught on.

 _Lords, you're fucking dumb,_ Ganondorf thought. He then begrudgingly drew four cards. "Okay, resuming... green, right? Green 2, Green 5, Green 6."

"Red 6."

Wolf was about to make another friendship mistake by putting another Wild Draw 4 card that he had miraculously obtained, but the entire room suddenly shook. "What the-"

"What was that?" Bowser asked and put his cards on the ground.

Ganondorf growled. "It's probably that fatass Snorlax guy rolling around in his sleep," he said. "Happens like few times a month, not surprising."

Their lupine friend sighed. "Well, back to the game the-" Before he could finish, they suddenly heard emergency alarms activating throughout the mansion. "...I don't think it's that Snorlax fella, friend."

"...fucking hell," Ganondorf muttered and got up. "Let's go. Nobody interrupts our games and lives to tell the tale."

Bowser, slightly skeptical on that line, shrugged and got up as well. "Uh, sure."

"Wait!" Wolf said. The two looked at him. He quickly put his Wild Draw 4 card on their pile. "Alright, let's go."

The gerudo growled. "You're a fucking ass."


	12. A Dark Plot (Part 2)

The tremor spread across the entire mansion, basically waking up everyone from their holy nights.

Ashley finally managed to subdue Waluigi, after the man was distracted laughing and holding onto the 2D figure, allowing her to shoot a magic blast at him. Before the skinny plumber could get up or escape, she made sure to bind him with another spell she remembered more easily. Turning to Mr. Game & Watch, she was about to ask if he was okay (with full intention on being rude).

Then something struck her and grabbed her, smashing through the various walls of the mansion.

Waluigi laughed. "WAAAAHAHA! That's-a what you get for interfering, pipsqueak!" Then, to his horror, a mysterious black tentacle slithered towards him. (No, this is not tentacle porn. Jesus.) He tried to scoot away, but his back was to what small concrete remained of the wall. "W-wait now, don't-a come closer! Waluigi is your-a master!" To his chagrin, it wrapped around and and hoisted him up high as well.

* * *

Many Smashers, disturbed from their sleep, exited their rooms to find a majority of the mansion's right wing in shambles, a large dark octopus flailing its arms around wildly. "W-what the hell!?" Ike exclaimed. "Has this story finally gone crazy!?"

"Don't be stupid, Ike!" Marth replied. "Remember the author said he was going to incorporate story arcs? This is based on that anticlimactic stuff he did in the original story!"

"O-oh, I see."

Zelda gave them odd looks. "Can you two stop talking smack about the writer right now?" she asked. "That's Mr. Game & Watch's Final Smash form! Don't you recognize him!?"

The two swordsmen stared at the octopus, blinking. "..oh, yeah, I can sorta see it," Marth said.

"But the dude's 2D, isn't he? This is a real octopus," Ike pointed out after noticing the tentacles not being 2D.

Falco neared the group. "Buddy, the octopus making bleeping noises should already convince you. Don't be fucking retarded."

"Hey, that's just uncalled for..."

"Watch out!" Zelda yelled and teleported herself to a distance slightly away.

Marth immediately went on guard and activated his counter on instinct. Falco and Ike, meanwhile, weren't so quick to catch on and was swatted away like flies, by the dark, shadowy tentacles, which were cut off directly afterwards by the Altean prince. "Ike! Falco!" he called after them, but to no avail.

"Marth! Another one!" the Hylian princess yelled.

He quickly responded to her warning by unsheathing his sword again, immediately slicing of another shadowy tentacle. "What the hell _is_ going on!? Literally almost four whole months of no updates and suddenly we're resuming things here?"

"Christ, can anyone here take things seriously and stop breaking the fourth wall for once!?" Zelda hissed.

"It's a legitimate question!"

* * *

In another area, several more Smashers were evacuating the premises, the more responsible ones helping the younger fighters safely hide.

"Mama-mia... what is going on with-a Mr. Game & Watch?" Mario muttered.

"I don't know, buddy," Link said, "but I feel like we're going to have to calm him down unless we want our place to get destroyed. Like, completely."

"You can say that again," Samus muttered. "Man, Master Hand's going to be pissed..."

They suddenly felt a familiar presence behind them. "Oh, don't worry. I'm already quite... _pissed,_ " Master Hand said. Before anyone could speak up, he made a stop sign with his hand. "Don't worry, I can tell something's amiss here, so I'll consider what to do after I hear out Mr. Game & Watch's story. ...after we all calm him down."

Glad their leader wasn't crazy, Mario, Link and Samus nodded in agreement. "Got it."

Then, nearby, Luigi popped out from under some rubble. "Wait, so is he a guy or a girl?" he asked.

All four turned to give him an odd look.

"...w-what?"

"Dude," Link said, "it's literally 'Mister' Game & Watch. If he was a woman, we'd have trouble."

"That sounded almost like a sexist remark," Samus muttered.

The Hylian blinked. "Oh, uh, I didn't-"

"Forget that," Samus growled. "We've got important things to be doing here."

"Oh, right. Let's go, gang!" Link said. The group of Smashers nodded and began sneaking their way towards the center of the rampaging octopus, hoping not to be swatted away.

Master Hand, meanwhile, was conflicted between helping the Smashers stop the rampage or going back to his room to quickly change into his super... I mean, um, to change gloves. Just because, uh, these were his sleeping... pajama... gloves. Right? Right? Wink wink? "Uh, this really isn't the time." Oh, okay...

He then heard footsteps from behind. "Master Hand!"

The floating right hand turned around to 'see' a certain witch who looked extremely pissed. "Ashley. It's dangerous right now, I'd suggest-"

"Shove it, fistface, listen!" Ashley hissed, to the leader's surprise. "The flat octopus guy, he was drugged with something!"

"Oh?" If he had to say he wasn't too interested in the reason for this rampage, he certainly was now, and even more awake as well. "That's... are you sure?" Ashley nodded. "Wait, how would you-"

"There were two people," Ashley continued. "I couldn't tell who one of them was, but his hands were like... fucking skeleton bones."

"Whoa there, young lady, watch your language," Master Hand said.

Ashley deadpanned. "Do you really care right now?"

The right hand floated silently. "...well, not really."

"Good, now shut up. The second one's that purple plumber jerkface," she growled with noticeable spite. "I tried to get him, but... oh, look up there, in the octopus' tentacles. He should still be stuck somewhere up there."

Master Hand turned to look at Mr. Game & Watch's rampaging octopus form again, and seemingly narrowed his eyes (?). True to her words, he somehow made out the sight of a flailing Waluigi being dragged in the night sky, screaming his head off, almost like he was a crazy person being restrained.

Then again, technically he _is_ being restrained right now.

Not that Master Hand cared about that, since now he had a clue on who to interrogate. Although with Waluigi being... well, Waluigi, he might not be able to get that much information out of him. Oh well. "Thanks for informing me of these things, Ashley. I will see to it that your efforts weren't in vain." Then he turned back to her. "But I must insist you get somewhere safe, before Princess Peach comes and scream her head off at me for keeping you here."

"...right, well..." Ashley sighed. As much as she wanted to stay and discuss this more, she knew he had a point, especially about how scary Peach could become. "...I'll find somewhere to hide. Just make sure you fucking call me when we're going to talk about this later- I have unfinished business with Waluigi. And I don't like being left out of things I'm involved with."

 _But you're not... oh well._ Master Hand 'nodded' and turned around, feeling the witch's presence disappear.

"Boy. She is one brave girl, talking to me like that," he mused. "It'd be pretty nice to have her as a Smasher one day... someone with her spirit would do greatly in the tournaments. Oh well." He then tensed his body, as his bones made cracking noises. "Now then... I apologize in advance, Mr. Game & Watch."

Energy began flowing from the hand, and as he clenched his body into a fist, Master Hand shot himself towards the octopus and punched the rampaging beast right in the face.

Mr. Game & Watch howled in pain (beeps?) before blindly attempting to swat the hand away, who dodged in time and charged more energy into his now gun-shaped pose. Two more tentacles suddenly sprang up and wrapped around, Master Hand, however, stopping his charged blast.

Before the right hand could yell in surprise, he was thrown onto the ground, which, although admittedly didn't hurt too much for someone of his status, was somewhat embarrassing.

"O-ow."

"You alright?" a voice asked. The hand turned to 'see' a familiar redhead staring at him, wielding his hot flaming sword just to be flashy. "That looked like it hurt," Roy added.

Master Hand 'shrugged'. "Oh, it's not that bad." He floated up and shook dust off himself. "Be careful, Roy."

"Please, Master Hand," the swordsman said confidently, "my middle name is Careful."

As if fate was laughing at him, a random flailing tendril smacked him away before he could do anything.

"...watch out, Careful," Master Hand muttered with slight amusement.

Then, more footsteps rushed to him.

"Oh, Master Hand," Wolf said.

"Hoooh, boy," Ganondorf muttered.

"Wolf, Ganondorf, Bowser," Master Hand counted. "You three are safe... should've expected that, really."

Bowser laughed. "Of course. Heck, I eat octopus for breakfast!"

"You stole Peach's donuts this morning," Wolf said.

"Zip it, furry," the Koopa king retorted.

"Whoa, not cool," Wolf muttered.

Master Hand rolled his eyes...? Eh. "Never mind your bickering. Will you three help us calm Mr. Game & Watch down? I'm not sure what's gotten him so riled up."

"Eh, sure I guess," Wolf said. "Really nothing better to do."

"We were playing UNO..." Bowser said.

"And this ass would've dropped two Plus Four cards on us, so I say we work on this instead," Ganondorf said.

"Fair enough."

Master Hand chuckled. "Better get going and stop your fellow Smasher's rampage, then."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," the three villains muttered.

* * *

The darkness had always been a source of comfort for him.

In fact, darkness itself soothed him. It made him feel at ease, it made him feel... giddy. But really, it was much more simple than that- darkness, in terms of morals, or in other terms- evil. _That's_ what made him feel happiest.

That, and his amazing shades.

The tall, cloaked figure chuckled to himself.

Judging by the various shadowy tendrils waving around the ruins of the mansion's upper floors, he knew the drug had worked perfectly.

Making a turn, he stopped in front of a small figure. "I assume you already know by the commotion above, but it is going _very_ well." He bent down to reveal more vials underneath his cloak, which didn't seem to hide anything but rather it hid nothingness within. Was there _anything_ under his cloak at all? One would question it, but the figure didn't, instead taking the vials from the villain and nodding in appreciation. "That fool was seen by a brat, however. What shall we do about that?"

The small figure rubbed its chin, before shrugging nonchalantly.

His wicked grin grew larger. "Indeed, it'd be a waste to bother with him. That gullible plumber's most likely going to be a thorn in our sides anyways, what with how utterly idiotic he can be. Best we leave him to burn under the hand's wrath."

The figure then walked past him, motioning to the stairs.

"Right, right, attending to the issue to keep up appearances."

The villain bowed courteously as he made his own exit.

"I shall look forward to working with you again..."


	13. A Dark Plot (Part 3)

"you know, it's funny. one moment i'm stopping a serial killer, and suddenly i'm speaking to a giant hand."

"Oh, don't mind it. Crazy shit like this is what everyone lives for."

"well, if you say so. all the timeline jumping must be messing with my head or dreams."

"Trust me, jumping isn't as fun as floating as a cool, giant hand."

"either ways, i think it's best you send me back soon... a skeleton's got his duties to do, you know."

"And let you get mauled by a cereal killer? Let me get the milk carton first!"

"yeah, i have a madman to stop... and he's going to have a bad time."

The door to Crazy Hand's room smashed open. "Crazy! Are you okay!?" Master Hand screamed.

Crazy Hand and his acquaintance turned to him.

They stared at each other for a short while before Mastr Hand shook a bit. "crazy, what the... is that Sans?"

"Yeah," Crazy Hand said. "Since one of the villains seemed to be a skeleton, we thought it'd be funny to bring him in like a reviewer suggested."

"hi," Sans the skeleton said.

"What the hell, no! Do you have any idea what Nintendo fans will do to me if we let him stay here?" Master Hand said. He snapped his fingers, enveloping the pun-lover in magic energy.

"well, guess that's that. see you fellas later," Sans said and waved before he disappeared.

Master Hand then turned to Crazy Hand. "Seriously, at least wait until the day he becomes an actual character. Now anyways... I need your help!"

"Wait, hold on, brother," Crazy Hand said. "Before you ask me for help, I need to tell you that I absolutely do not know how to strangle puppies, even if I have experience."

"No, I need you to... wait, what!?"

* * *

Toon Link screamed as he ran for his dear life, avoiding all the shrapnel in his path while one of Mr. Game & Watch's tendrils were chasing after him for unknown reasons. "Holy Triforce monkeys, someone help me!" he desperately called.

Next to him, Popo was... laughing? "What're you even talking about, Toon? You're a swordsman!" he said.

"Do I look like I have my sword with me right now!?" Toon Link said. The male Ice Climber's eyes darted to his hands, which did not have the sword he usually carried. "I didn't bring it with me!" Toon Link explained.

"Oh, guess that's your bad," Popo said. "It's up to me and my hammer then!"

Just as he turned around, the two saw that the tentacle was just about to catch up.

"You didn't bring your hammer too, dimwit!" Toon Link screamed.

Popo blinked. "Oh."

Just as the shadowy tendril attempted to grab the two, they saw light slice through it. The rampaging octopus' tentacle dropped to the floor, wiggling from cut-off commands from the brain (I don't know, science thing). Soon, Meta Knight hopped out from behind some rubble.

"Are you two alright?" he asked.

Toon Link nodded quickly. "Very! Thank you! Save us! What's happening!?"

"...I do not know, but you should get to safety," Meta Knight said. "Or if you'd like to fight as well, find your weapons."

"Yeah, that sounds great!" Popo said.

"Like hell we're doing that, we're getting out of here!" Toon Link said and dragged Popo away, running as fast as he could.

The knight from Dream Land sighed. _Shame, this is actually a good opportunity to practice fighting skills too._

Suddenly, a new tentacle appeared behind him. He turned around, prepared to slice it, but another figure jumped out and took care of it first.

He blinked. "Lucina."

Lucina smiled. "I saw you from far away, Sir Meta Knight. I guess even you let your guard down sometimes," she said, chuckling.

Meta Knight rolled his eyes. "Not exactly. My guard was still up."

"If you say so," she said and prepared her sword as the tentacles dissolved into Shadow Bugs that began to form humanoid figures instead. "But it seems we're not safe yet."

"Shadow Bugs," Meta Knight mused. "Defeating it enough will make them go away... you can still fight, yes?"

"Of course," Lucina said. "I'm always prepared to assist," she said.

"Very good," the knight replied. "Show me your power, then."

As the humanoid Shadow Bugs jumped them, they swung their swords together.

The two faced no problems at all, coordinating perfectly together to prevent the tentacles from getting an upper hand on each other, and still fending off the Shadow Bug humanoids from any angles they could take. Soon it became apparent to both the tentacles and the Shadow Bugs that it was useless to fight this duo, so they fled from the battle, seeking others to cast their rampage onto.

Lucina smiled. "Wow, that was... easier than I expected," she said.

"Indeed, it was below my expectations," Meta Knight said with a nod. "You did quite well, I shall say."

The girl beamed. "Thank you, Sir Meta Knight! It greatly honors me that-"

" _Eeeek!_ "

The two quickly turned to the main body of Mr. Game & Watch, noticing several tentacles staying oddly close to the center. Then, they saw some figures behind held near its head, almost like some sort of hostage-holding action. "T-that's..."

"Ms. Rosalina and her children, the Luma," Meta Knight said. "And I see Mario's acquaintance, the one named Waluigi, is also being held captive..."

"L-look! Ms. Peach is also there!" Lucina exclaimed and pointed further. She unsheathed her sword again, preparing to run back to the main body. "I have to go help them!"

"Very well. I shall-"

"H-hey! Stop that!" a nearby voice screamed. The two turned again and saw some Shadow Bugs crawling towards a familiar pink-suited Ice Climber.

"Nana!" Lucina called.

Nana heard her voice and quickly turned her head to their direction. "Ms. Lucina! Mr. Knight!"

Their turmoil barely lasted a second before the two turned to each other.

"I'll go save the others!" Lucina said.

"I shall handle Nana," Meta Knight said.

Nodding, the two rushed their separate ways.

As Meta Knight unleashed an unknown number of slashes at the Shadow Bugs, Nana watched him protect her in awe.

 _W-wow... not scared at all..._ she noted.

* * *

"Mario! Help!" Peach called from above.

The plumber bit his lips. "Peach! Don't-a worry, I'll save you!" He charged up fire in his hands and prepared to take aim at the tentacles holding her, but Bowser tackled him away. "H-hey!"

"You bastard! What if it hits Peach!?" Bowser roared.

Peach sighed from above. "I have a frying pan with me, I can hit it away if that happens!" she yelled.

"No! It's too risky!" Bowser cried.

"A little help here!?" Mario called.

Ganondorf and Wolf, who weren't actually helping the fight and just stood by looking at them, shrugged. "I dunno, man. Kinda funny," Wolf said.

"Yeah, we'd probably also get in the way."

Link sighed. "Ganon, I swear..."

"Hey, don't judge my way of helping, elf-boy."

"Helping my ass!" Samus yelled and shot another energy blast at a different area of the octopus. "All you're doing is nothing!"

"We're helping by not interfering!" Ganondorf attempted to excuse.

"I am witnessing a sad argument," Luigi muttered.

"Hey! Can you guys hurry it up!?" Peach called. "Rossy is here too, and her Lumas are scared to death!"

Nearby, some Lumas caught in the shadowy tendrils were crying, and a Roaslina stuck to another nearby tentacle sighed. "T-there, there, don't cry, my children... help will come soon..."

"How'd they even get captured anyways?" Wolf wondered.

"I'd like to know that too," Lucina said as she arrived to the scene. "How shall I help?"

"W-well," Luigi said, "we noticed-a Waluigi calling for help up there... and the princess wanted to help him," he explained.

"Waluigi?" Ganondorf asked, raising an eyebrow. "Even after how annoying he gets? Why would that pink pansy want to help him?"

"Yeah, even Rosalina was slightly uncomfortable at the idea of helping him too," Link said. "But Peach insisted on saving him, and then they got caught while getting up there with Rosalina's... space... flight... powers... thing."

"It's magic, and yes," Mario said, "that's just because the princess is kind." Looking up again, he prepared to charge up fire once more, but felt Bowser's gaze at him. Sighing, the plumber looked to the turtle. "Bowser, if I don't-a do this, they'll be stuck there forever while you claw Mr. Game & Watch from the bottom."

"Hey, it may take hours, but it's better than accidentally hurting her!" Bowser said, unleashing a powerful scratch on Mr. Game & Watch's lower body. The rampaging flat beast howled in pain (beeps), but all attempts to attack them were fended off by Mario, Link and Samus.

"What if Mr. Mario jumped up high and directly destroyed the tentacles instead?"

"That'd be fine," Bowser said.

"I can't-a jump _that_ high though," Mario said.

Troubled, Lucina rubbed her chin. Then, an idea popped into her head. "Addis Ababa!"

"Uh, what?" Wolf asked.

"I just had an idea!" she said, and turned to Mario. "Mr. Mario, please get on top of me."

"Whoa, kinky," Wolf muttered.

Samus aimed her cannon at the lupine.

"Oh, fuck."

Ignoring the scream that followed, Mario was confused but did as instructed. He climbed Lucina's back and kept a tight grip on her shoulders. "Like-a this?"

"Yes, I think that's good enough," the swordswoman said and focused her energy inside. Then, she did a double jump into the air, and then performed her up special move.

Someone reaching close to Peach's feet, Mario smiled. "I see... thanks, Lucina!" he said and jumped off the girl, performing his own double jump to properly land himself on top of the tentacle holding Peach.

"Mario!" Peach said happily.

"Just hang on a moment, princess," Mario said and prepared his fireball. "I'll save you and the others soon."

Down below, Bowser grimaced. "Why didn't I think of that?" he muttered.

"Dude, I don't think Lucina can carry your weight," Link said.

"Oh, so now I'm being fatshamed!" the Koopa king cried.

"I didn't say anything about that!" Link said.

"Some hero you are," Ganondorf said with a smirk.

"Ganon, you ass...!"

* * *

"How are you doing, DK?" Marth asked.

Donkey Kong shrugged, keeping a tight hold on a large shadow tentacle. Dedede was also helping out in keeping the tentacle restrained, their huge bodies helping plenty. Adorably, Diddy Kong and Yoshi were also attempting to help, although whether they were helping at all was questionable.

Zelda smiled and turned to Master Hand. "How far along is it, Master Hand?"

"I'm almost done spreading my magic through his body," he said. "Just a bit more... then I can strip Mr. Game & Watch off of his consciousness and bring this night to an end," he explained.

"W-well, maybe you should hurry up!" Sonic screamed as another tentacle attempted to attack them.

However, it was repelled by Crazy Hand appearing out of nowhere and slapping it away, along with his maniac screams of laughter.

"Come on, Sonic," Marth said, "like we said, Crazy Hand is reliable and will keep us safe."

"Y-you sure about that?" Sonic muttered.

"I'm a fly swatter!" Crazy Hand yelled.

"Sonic, I know he seems crazy," Zelda said, "but at least he's helping us."

The hedgehog sighed. "Right, right, I get it..."

Suddenly, Master Hand beamed. "Alright, I'm done! His entire body is under my control now!"

Zelda gasped. "That's great!"

"Okay, shut his Final Smash down now!" Sonic yelled.

Master Hand remained still. "...I mean, I would, but I noticed Rosalina and Waluigi are still being held by his tentacles..."

"Gah, who cares!?" Sonic said. "Someone will save them, shut him down now!"

"N-now, now, that's still quite dangerous..."

Marth sighed. "Don't worry, Master Hand," he said. "I saw Lucina run towards where Mario and the others were not long ago. I'm sure that everyone there will figure out something and save them before they fall from that height."

Master Hand slowly nodded. "I... guess you're right. Believe in my Smashers, right." Taking in a deep breath, the hand glowed with light. "Okay then. Mr. Game & Watch, I command you to go to rest!" The bright light escaped his body into the tentacle he and the others were holding onto, and the illumination spread throughout the octopus' entire body.

Then, within a few seconds... as Mr. Game & Watch completely became a glowing Christmas tree (or at least, it felt like it), his body shrunk to his original flat man size in a second.

Sonic cried in joy. "Yes! We did it!"

"You mean _he_ did it," Marth said with a chuckle and looked to Master Hand.

"Whatever!"

Then Crazy Hand slammed onto Sonic's body. "I did it!"

The hedgehog cried in pain. "Ow..."

* * *

"What the!?" Mario briefly yelled in surprise, before grabbing Peach into his arms. "Princess! Your umbrella!"

"R-right!" Peach said and opened her umbrella. However that worked, it somehow did work, and the two gently descended towards the ground.

However, the other hostages weren't lucky. Amidst the panic of being held captive and suddenly falling through the air, Rosalina felt her blood turn cold as the sight of the ground neared her. "Oh, stars, today is not a good day..."

"Mama!" her Lumas yelled, too surprised by the sudden turn of events to catch her.

Bracing herself for impact, Rosalina shut her eyes just as she remembered she could use her powers to float.

But then, warmth enveloped her and she felt herself stop falling. She slowly opened her eyes to see Lucina looking down at her, an arm gently wrapped around her blue gown. "Are you alright, Ms. Rosalina?" Lucina asked.

"...u-uh... yes, perhaps..." she squeaked.

Smiling, Lucina somehow landed back on the ground safely, and put her down. "I'm glad to help. That must have been a scary experience."

Blinking, the cosmic goddess put a finger to her chin. "W-well..." _I just remembered my powers though..._

Then they heard a splat a distance away.

"WAH!" Waluigi screamed in both pain and frustration.

Everyone stared at his direction. "...oh, right."

"You all WAHking suck!"


End file.
